Quotes of Movie: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me [1999
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Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar. Colonel: What is it, son? Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant... Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard. Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge... Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker. Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where? Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's... Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with... Baseball Umpire: Two balls. [looking up from game] Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous... Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention. Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying... Musician: Willie. Willie: Yeah? Musician: What's that? Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge... Colonel: Johnson. Radar Operator: Yes, sir? Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this. If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something? Dr. Evil: How about, no, Scott? Okay? Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumeably, I could go back and look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveled back to the '60s? [goes cross-eyed] Austin: Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself. [to camera] Basil: That goes for you all, too. Austin: Yes. | |
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Yes, Yes, Yes! NO NO! As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen? Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a dope? The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa. How could you sleep with Fat Bastard? Felicity Shagwell: I was just doing my duty, Austin. I had to. Austin: No, I mean, literally, HOW could you do it? The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. [both are the Jerry Springer show] How could you do this to me? On national television! Dr. Evil: Well throw me a freakin' bone here, Scott. Scott: Why did you run out on me? Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough. [audience boos] Dr. Evil: Well it's true! It's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough. Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby? Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink. Mike Myers: You know what's remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California. Tell me, Mr. Powers. Do you swing? Austin: Are you kidding, baby? I put the "grrrr" in swinger, baby! Yeah! Austin Powers, I presume. Austin: Powers by name, powers by reputation. Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation. Austin: Oh, be-have. Felicity Shagwell: Not if I can help it. As the French say, that certain "I don't know what". Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? Austin: I can guess, baby. Ivana: We play chess. Austin: I guessed wrong. When did you get "The Clapper"? Austin: November, 1964, Dutch East Indies, shore leave. Move over, Rover. This chick is taking over. Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions. Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions? Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numbnuts. C'mon, let me nuke that bastard. Commander Gilmour: Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? The President: Would you miss it? [looks around the table] The President: Would you miss it? Did we get Dr. Evil? Radar Operator: No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge... Teacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or... Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener? Friendly Son: Dad, what's that? Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it has great big... Peanut Vendor: Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?... Peanut Vendor: Lord Almighty! Woman: That looks just like my husband's... Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster! Cyclops: RARRR. Cyclops: Hey, what's that? It looks like a... Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph? Woody: Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing! Fan: It's so huge. Woody: No, I've seen bigger. That's... Dr. Evil: Just a little prick. [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father. Austin: Really? Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up. Austin: Right. Idiot, yes Mini-me, you complete me. [to Felicity] Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. [on the verge of tears] Fat Bastard: I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself. [Farts] Mini Me, if I ever lost you I don't know what I would do. [pauses] Dr. Evil: I'd probably move on, get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable. [about his new "laser"] You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star". [Scott snickers] Dr. Evil: What? Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth. Dr. Evil: What did you call me? Scott: Nothing. Scott: [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff. Dr. Evil: Bless you. | |
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