Quotes of Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace [1944]
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Mortimer Brewster: He sits there just *waiting* to be trussed up and gagged! [laughs] Mortimer Brewster: The big dope! Mortimer Brewster: No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge! [he runs off across the cemetary] Cab Driver: And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot! At least people in plays act like they've got sense. Mortimer Brewster: Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence? Dr. Einstein: [agonizing] How can anybody be so stupid! But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too. Mortimer Brewster: One thing at a time! | |
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This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong! Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls - all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that! Elaine Harper: [Adoring] Yes, Mortimer. Mortimer Brewster: What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene? Elaine Harper: [Adoring] No, Mortimer. Mortimer Brewster: And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh... [He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office] [His first line] I must be catching cold. Abby Brewster: No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed. Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt? Abby Brewster: Oh, no. Martha Brewster: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt. Abby Brewster: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it. Martha Brewster: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody. Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve. [Angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie] Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen! Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag. Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona... Dr. Einstein: Phoenix? Jonathan Brewster: The filling station... Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh! [Slits throat] Dr. Einstein: Yes. Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia! Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him! Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are! The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt. Teddy Brewster: Code for Roosevelt? Mortimer Brewster: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got? Teddy Brewster: Rooster! Mortimer Brewster: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do? Teddy Brewster: Crows. Mortimer Brewster: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa? Teddy Brewster: On the veldt! Mortimer Brewster: There you are: crows - veldt! Teddy Brewster: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department. Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops. Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve bodies in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them. Aunt Abby Brewster: Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib. Where am I? Oh, here I am. Well, that's a fine thing. We're married one minute and you're throwing me out of the house the next. Mortimer Brewster: I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house. Will you get out of here? [pushes her out and slams the door; Mr. Gibbs is standing on the porch holding a newspaper] Elaine Harper: Well how do you like that... Mr. Gibbs: I read that there was a room for rent here... Elaine Harper: Oh, shut up! When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me! One of our gentlemen found time to say 'How delicious!' before he died. Mortimer Brewster: But - what happened to him? Martha Brewster: [cheerfully] He died. We got a hot stiff on our hands! Mr. Witherfork! Mr. Witherspoon: Spoon! [Mortimer hands him a spoon] Mortimer Brewster: Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [hangs up] Mortimer Brewster: Well, then I must be here. Elaine Harper: But, Mortimer - Niagara Falls. Mortimer Brewster: It does? Well, let it. For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide. Mortimer Brewster: Hmm. Should have quite a kick. Perhaps we should introduce ourselves. This is Dr. Einstein. Elaine Harper: Dr. Einstein? Jonathan Brewster: Yes, a surgeon of great distinction... and something of a magician. Elaine Harper: Now, I suppose you're going to tell me that you're Boris Kar... Jonathan Brewster: I am Jonathan Brewster! We better not leave the car parked in the street. It might be against the law. Police Sgt. Brophy: They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like pressed rose leaves. | |
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