Quotes of Movie: Army of Darkness [1992]
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It's a trick. Get an axe. I may be bad... but I feel gooood. Yeah! [after shooting King Arthur's sword in half] Ash: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? [opening monologue] Ash: My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can figure, the year is thirteen hundred A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job Ash: [now Ash is in a flashback] Umm... Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart! Ash: [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. t seems an archeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomiconexmortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rights, funeral incantations, and demon resurrection passages, it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods, something evil. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] Ash: It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] Ash: But that didn't stop it, it came back big time. Ash: [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake how do you stop it? [Ash falls into the vortex and the opening credits start] | |
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You Sir, are not one of my vassals... who are you? Ash: Who wants to know? Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples. Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town. Ash: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow. But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private? Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all. [to the Witch] Yo, she-bitch! Let's go! Ash: Groovy. Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures. Ash: Gimme some sugar, baby. Clatto Verata Nicto. Wiseman: Well, repeat them. Ash: Clatto Verata Nicto. Wiseman: Again. Ash: I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, alright? Clatto Verata N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts? Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me. Ash: Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cause you're goin' for a ride! I'll swallow your soul! Ash: Come get some. Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store. Possessed woman: Who the hell are you? Ash: Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Ash: Housewares. Ash: [voiceover] Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I *am* king. [Ash grabs girl close] Ash: Hail to the king, baby. [Ash kisses the girl] How will we stop an army of the dead at our castle walls? How will you fight that? With more words? Most of our people have already fled. We are but sixty men. You found me beautiful once... Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly! Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun. Ash: What are you? Are you me? Evil Ash: Whad are do? Are do be? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk! Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh? Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Evil Ash: Goody little TWO-SHOES! Goody little TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honk honk honk] Evil Ash: GOODY LITTLE TWO-SHOES! GOODY LITTLE... Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash's nose] [nods head and shoots him] Ash: I ain't that good. Ash: Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger! Ash: What? Were you raised in a barn? Shut the door! Probably was raised in a barn, along with the other primitives. I got a bone to pick with you. | |
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