Quotes of Movie: Annie Hall [1977]
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. La-di-da, la-di-da, la la. Alvy Singer: That sex was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. | |
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Annie Hall: It's so clean out here. Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows. So you wanna go into the movie or what? Alvy Singer: No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal. Annie Hall: That's a polite word for what you are. Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth. Party guest: Hello? I forgot my mantra. What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you? Female street stranger: Yeah. Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it? Female street stranger: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say. Male street stranger: And I'm exactly the same way. Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something? Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women. I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Alvy Singer: Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here. Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. Alvy Singer: You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side. Oh, you see an analyst? Alvy Singer: Yeah, just for fifteen years. Annie Hall: Fifteen years? Alvy Singer: Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do? Alvy Singer: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. Annie Hall: Well, have you ever made love high? Alvy Singer: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love. Annie Hall: It relaxes me. Alvy Singer: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed? Annie Hall: Well, what's the difference anyway? Alvy Singer: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it. Annie Hall: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time. Alvy Singer: Hey, is something wrong? Annie Hall: No, why? Alvy Singer: I don't know. It's like you're removed. [a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch] Annie Hall: No, I'm fine. Alvy Singer: Are you with me? Annie Hall: Uh, huh. Alvy Singer: I don't know. You seem sort of distant. Annie Hall: Let's just do it, all right? Alvy Singer: Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions? Ghost of Annie Hall: Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing. Alvy Singer: [gesturing to the ghost] You see, that's what I call removed. Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Alvy Singer: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school. Annie Hall: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase. Alvy Singer: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man... Annie Hall: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close. Alvy Singer: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about. Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Annie Hall: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. Alvy Singer: "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions. Annie Hall: Who cares? Who cares? Alvy Singer: Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass. Annie Hall: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him. Alvy Singer: Dav - you call your teacher David? Annie Hall: It's his name. Alvy Singer: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba? It's mental masturbation! Annie Hall: And you would know all about THAT, wouldn't you? Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that? Alvy Singer: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that. Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana? Old man on street: We use a large vibrating egg. | |
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