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Quotes of Movie: America's Sweethearts [2001]
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Gwen: People have no idea what it's like being me. Did we brush my teeth? I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I'm my own entourage! [to Gwen] You're the devil. I really want to play a character like the Terminator, you know, because I think the Hispanic people are crying out to see a deadly, destructive, killing machine that they can embrace as their own. You know, that they can relate to... | |
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Okay. Siegfried and Roy just left the building. Danny: Siegfried and Roy are here? They're heading off the pool. Lee: No. Not the real Siegfried and R... It's a code. *You* wanted to play this stupid game, you little schmuck. Ooh, pussy boy gonna splat! Kiki! Kiki! Hold on, hold on. I want to talk. Look... Kiki: Let go of me! Eddie: Just... I want to talk! Kiki: I don't want to talk to you! Eddie: Why not? Kiki: Because you're an idiot! Eddie: Well? Kiki: You know what? For that matter, I'm an idiot, too! In that respect, we're actually quite perfect for each other. Eddie: This is a very complicated situation... Kiki: Well, let me uncomplicate it for you, huh? Forget about what happened between us, Eddie. It's not going to work, all right? I mean, last night... last night was great. But then she calls you this morning and you just cannot wait to get out the door to get to her! What is that? It's just not going to work, 'cause you will probably always be thinking about her, and I will probably always be wondering if you were thinking about her. I just... I just need you to know one thing. Eddie: What? Kiki: That woman that you saw by the pool the other night... Eddie: Yeah... Kiki: No, that woman that you just have to spend the rest of your life with... [beat] Kiki: That was me. Kiki? What was that movie called? Kiki: I don't give a shit! Eddie: No, that wasn't it. Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Eddie: Actually, it's a gun. [shoots her multiple times] [after Eddie has said that he is not technically seeing anyone] Well, that's fascinating. "Not technically"... hmm... That's... uh... that's sad, really. That's... uh... that's a shame. [Kiki throws the pan on the table] Kiki: Here are your eggs, my darling sister! I hope that's runny enough for you. [Kiki turns to Eddie] Kiki: And you, you son of a bitch! [Kiki dumps the eggs in Eddie's lap] Kiki: Here are your eggs, there you go! Gwen: What the hell is wrong with you, Kiki? Kiki: A lot, actually, and you know, I cannot believe that it's taken me this long to figure it out. And... and... and I'm going to go for a long walk now just to simmer down. But before I do, I would just like to cut through the bullshit. You see, sister, the reason why he's not *technically* seeing anyone is because he's still *technically* hung up on you. [turns to Eddie] Kiki: And you, you moron! The only reason she's here, besides trying to salvage her precious career, is to serve you with divorce papers. There, I've said it. I've done all I can do here, I'm going for a walk because that's, you know... leaving is just something that I've really perfected. And so, once more, with feeling. [Kiki storms out] Gwen: She was so much more fun when she was fat. Life is a cookie. Your pillow's better than mine. [at the Junket Interview] Look, Byron, I want to be honest with you. Before I came down from the room, I took a half a pound of Vicodin, so I'm going to be really comfortable until about late March. [to the press] I'm on pain medication that makes me say things I'd never say otherwise. To set the record perfectly straight, Eddie and I never had any plans to reconcile. [Hector clears his throat] Hector: And? Gwen: Oh, and Hector is very well-endowed. Hector: Almost too well-endowed. I've had complaints. Literally. I spent eighty-six million dollars of the studio's money on twenty seconds of titles. That's all he sent me, the TITLES! And a note: "Dave, we could also do these in blue." We HAD to make a Hal Weidmann picture! Davis: The man's won three Oscars. He's a genius. Kingman: No! There's only been one genius in this business, and that was SeƱor Wences! A little lipstick, some hair, and his hand, and the guy had a career for eighty-five years! "S'aright!". [to Gwen's Dobberman] Nazi bastard! You probably read in People Magazine that I'm on Zoloft. They liked the movie. The press actually liked this crazy movie. They're calling it the "Blair Bitch Project". Eddie's really good... and he's my pillar of strength, you know. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah I hit him in the tray with my face. This letter is a very important part of healing. Writing your mom gives you the opportunity to thank her... or forgive her... or ask her why she did what she did. We don't mail it. But the act of putting it on paper frees you, allows you to let go. Now, what did you say to your mother? Eddie: [reading] "Dear Mom, Fuck you." [pause] Wellness Guide: Okay, we'll try the letter some other time. Remember that nut in the woods? Ted Kaczynski? Lee: The guy at Fox? Dave: The Unabomber. Remember he lived in that cabin? Lee: So? Dave: Hal Weidmann bought that cabin from the government and had it moved onto his property. That is where he edits his movies. That is his little, twisted, sicko office. Felix, this is Oscar. The monkey is in daycare. Repeat, the monkey is in daycare. Gwen, your dog just swallowed your window washer. Gwen: Puppy! Lee: Puppy? It's a raptor. Kiki: Time for Prozac. Excuse me. Lee: She's on Prozac? Kiki: If only. The dog. I'm with Gwen now. We're a couple. So we're gonna go to the "hhhunket" together. | |
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