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Quotes of Movie: American Pie 2 [2001]

  • Kevin: My brother said by the end of the summer I'll get the big picture. And I see it. No matter what, times change, things are different. But the problem is, I don't want them to be. (unknown)
  • Stifler: Jim. Can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away. (unknown)
  • Jim's Dad: You may be Jimbo, or Jumbo, or Jimbodini to those guys in there, but there are still two people who haven't forgotten where James Emmanuel Levenstein came from. We're awful proud of you son.
    Jim: Thanks, Dad.
    Jim's Dad: Don't forget your penis cream. (unknown)
  • Michelle's Friend: You are so sweet. He *is* special.
    Michelle: He's my bitch. (unknown)
  • Jim's Dad: [to Natalie's Dad] Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn't get your daughter's name, but I'm pretty sure my son did. (unknown)
  • [Stifler thinks champagne is being poured onto his head when he's actually being urinated on from the balcony]
    Stifler: I can taste the bubbles. (unknown)
  • [during drive to lake]
    Stifler: Oh, yeah. The Stifmeister's coming back to Grand Harbor. Deck the halls. Bye-bye, Great Falls. Wipe my ass and lick my balls. It's Stifler time, baby. Whoo-hoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo-hoo. (unknown)
  • Jim: I kind of super-glued myself to... uh... myself. (unknown)
  • Jim's Dad: Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube.
    Jim: I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, i was trying to use lubricant.
    Jim's Dad: Oh... oh...
    Wheelchair Lady: **looking at Pussy Palace** Son, couldn;t you have left that disgusting thing at home?
    Jim's Dad: Excuse me?
    Wheelchair Lady: Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.
    Jim's Dad: Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
    Jim: That's right. Thanks Dad.
    Jim's Dad: Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is no a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do? (unknown)
  • Male EMT: excuse me sir, are you a family member? **asking about jim when he glues himself**
    Stifler: FUCK no! This is just too good to miss!
    Male EMT: Ok sir, you're just going to have to wait here. (unknown)
  • Heather: Hey, Marco, could you get your balls off me? **talking about soccer balls**
    Oz: Hey, what the heck's goin' on over there?
    Heather: Oh, those are just my flat-mates. (unknown)
  • Trumpet Kid: You suck, retard.
    Jim: I'm not retarded, I'm a very special boy.
    [Jim rams the kid in the face with his trombone] (unknown)
  • Michelle: Holy Potatoes. (unknown)
  • Jim: Nadia, please don't take this the wrong way - You are everything I... used to want in a woman, and as much as I'm really... really going to regret this, I think I need to be with someone else.
    Nadia: You... you want the band geek?
    Jim: Nadia, I *am* a band geek. I just never joined the band. (unknown)
  • Jim: Nadia will be expecting filet mignon, okay, and all I'm going to be able to give her is rump roast.
    Oz: What are you so worried about? You've had experience since Nadia.
    Jim: Ah, yes. You would be referring to the flute fetish band geek, who made me her bitch, and ditched me after prom. (unknown)
  • [talking to a picture of Stifler's Mom ]
    Finch: How did you do that magic you did? (unknown)
  • Jim: Was I any good that night?
    Michelle: Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible?
    Jim: I'm sorry, "terrible?"
    Michelle: I've had worse.
    Jim: Oh.
    Michelle: Oh, sorry. I just... ah... I could give you some pointers. If you want. (unknown)
  • Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.
    Vicky: None?
    Jessica: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity. (unknown)
  • Stifler: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you fuckers learn anything in college? (unknown)
  • Jim's Dad: Keep it real homies. (unknown)
  • Jim: That's a lot of flutes. (unknown)
  • Michelle: Now don't freak out I'm gonna do something to push your threshold.
    Jim: Ow that's cold. What is that?
    Michelle: I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun? (unknown)
  • Stifler: You're a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby.
    Oz: Here's a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.
    Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass. (unknown)
  • [last lines]
    Finch: Oh, Jeanine, Jeanine!
    Stifler's Mom: Call me Stifler's Mom.
    Finch: [orgasmic noise] STIFLER'S MO-O-O - OM! (unknown)
  • Stifler: There's little hearts on her panties. There's little hearts on her panties. (unknown)
    • Movie: American Pie 2 [2001] | [2] | [3] | [4]
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