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Quotes of Movie: All Over the Guy [2001]

  • Jackie:
    I know gay men. I practically invented them.

  • Jackie:
    I'm calling from a pay phone because I can't get my piece of sh*t cell phone to work unless I stand on my head with my fingers up my ass!

  • [during a game of Pyramid with Jackie and Bret]



    Eli Wyckoff:
    The ex-football player who allegedly killed his wife.



    Tom:
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Allegedly? What are you, nuts?

  • Jackie:
    Oh my god, Eli was stalking you? That is so romantic.

  • [last lines]



    Tom:
    And the thing about Rhett Butler...



    Eli Wyckoff:
    Yeah?



    Tom:
    He wasn't very fuzzy. Was he?

  • [discussing the bad dates Brett's set Eli up on]



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    Look I know it didn't go all so, you know, that well last time with... Richard, was it?



    Eli Wyckoff:
    Rita! From UPS. She was a woman!



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    Whatever, she was still gay. That's your problem, you're so picky.

  • [discussing Eli's bad date with Tom the previous night]



    Eli Wyckoff:
    He kept saying, "You do the math," even when it made no sense sense. What a turn-off.



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    What's the turn-on? According to your mother you haven't had a hard-on since she first took you to see THE NUTCRACKER at the Jewish Community Center in first grade.



    Eli Wyckoff:
    Stop talking to my mother about my sex life.



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    What sex life?



    Eli Wyckoff:
    I have one!



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    Uh huh, right.


    [makes jerking off motions]



    Eli Wyckoff:
    Ok, y'know, it counts. I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, now I just have to look at myself and I cum.



    Brett Miles Sanford:
    Eww.

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