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Quotes of Movie: Airplane II: The Sequel [1982]

  • Striker:
    Which passenger is Joe Solucci?



    Testa:
    16C. Why?



    Striker:
    He's carrying a bomb.



    Testa:
    A b - ?



    Striker:
    No, not a b. A bomb.

  • Striker:
    I got a piece of metal. It's a bobby pin.



    Murdock:
    A bobby pin? What the hell is the man doing with a bobby pin?

  • Soldier:
    Those lights are blinking out of sequence.



    Murdock:
    Make them blink in sequence.

  • Simon:
    Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur.



    Clarence Oveur:
    Gentlemen, welcome aboard.



    Simon:
    Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn.



    Clarence Oveur:
    Unger.



    Unger:
    Oveur.



    Dunn:
    Oveur.



    Clarence Oveur:
    Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.



    Simon:
    Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force?



    Unger:
    Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.



    Dunn:
    Yep.



    Simon:
    So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger.



    Unger:
    Yep.



    Clarence Oveur:
    That's right. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn.



    Unger:
    So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.



    Clarence Oveur:
    Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

  • Witness:
    Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.



    Prosecutor:
    Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?



    Witness:
    Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.



    Prosecutor:
    *Andy* went to pieces?



    Witness:
    No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.



    Prosecutor:
    *Howie* came unglued?



    Witness:
    Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.



    Prosecutor:
    And he bailed out?



    Witness:
    No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.



    Prosecutor:
    Then Howie survived?



    Witness:
    No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.

  • Prosecutor:
    Over Macho Grande?



    Witness:
    No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.

  • Prosecutor:
    Dr. Stone, would you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?



    Dr. Stone:
    I'm sorry, I don't do impressions... my training is in psychiatry.

  • Jimmy:
    Mister, can I ask you a question?



    Striker:
    A question? What is it?



    Jimmy:
    It's an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge. But that's not important now.

  • Steve McCroskey:
    Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.



    Jacobs:
    Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.

  • Steve McCroskey:
    Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?



    Jacobs:
    Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.

  • Elaine Dickinson:
    Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.

  • Steve McCroskey:
    And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!

  • Boy:
    Can I ask you a question?



    Striker:
    What is it?



    Boy:
    It's an interrogative form of sentence, used to test knowledge. But that's not important right now.

  • Buck Murdock:
    Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

  • Buck Murdock:
    Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap, will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug!

  • Buck Murdock:
    We'd better get to the tower, Lieutenant.



    Lt. Pervis:
    We have no tower, sir.



    Buck Murdock:
    No tower?



    Lt. Pervis:
    Just a bridge, sir.



    Buck Murdock:
    Why the *hell* aren't I notified about these things?

  • Steve McCroskey:
    Striker? Striker, Striker, *Strike Her*!


    [a man behind Steve punches a woman]

  • Striker:
    We're going to have to blow up the computer!



    Elaine Dickinson:
    Blow ROC?


    [a smiling face appears on the computer]

  • Striker:
    Quick, you must get everybody into the lounge.



    Testa:
    But we don't have a lounge...



    Striker:
    That's not important right now.

  • Elaine Dickinson:
    I'm gonna go get Ted, just don't fall apart on me now!

  • Jimmy:
    Dad never slaps me around at home, must be his coffee.



    Jimmy's Mom:
    No, I've been serving him decafe. Maybe he's just an asshole.

  • Mr. Hammen:
    And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?



    Mrs. Hammen:
    Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks, you kept telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!



    Mr. Hammen:
    What a bummer.



    Mrs. Hammen:
    No shit.

  • Striker:
    We're not in the past anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE.

  • ROC:
    Voice interface.



    Elaine Dickinson:
    There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.



    ROC:
    There is no apparent overheat.



    Elaine Dickinson:
    Yes, there is, ROC. We read a core overheat. Repeat analysis.



    ROC:
    Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.



    Elaine Dickinson:
    Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!



    ROC:
    Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.


    [Elaine turns to the captain]



    Elaine Dickinson:
    Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!



    Capt. Oveur:
    I see.



    Elaine Dickinson:
    Well, what do you recommend, Captain?



    Capt. Oveur:
    Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.



    Elaine Dickinson:
    But sir, I already have!



    Capt. Oveur:
    Good!

  • [the controllers thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]



    Controller #2:
    They're screwed!



    Controller #3:
    They're dead!



    Controller Jacobs:
    Did I leave the iron on?

    • Movie: Airplane II: The Sequel [1982]
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