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Quotes of Movie: A Thousand Clowns [1965]
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If things aren't funny then they're exactly what they are; and then they're like a long dental appointment. My simple child reaction of what you did is that you are not funny. Funnier than you is even Stuart Schlossman, who is my friend, and is eleven, and puts walnuts in his mouth and makes noises. What is not funny is to call us names, and what is mostly not funny is how sad you are, and I'd feel sorry for you if it wasn't for how dull you are. And those are the worst-tasting potato chips that I've ever tasted. And that's my opinion from the blue, blue sky. I can imitate the voice of Alexander Hamilton. I do Alexander Hamilton, and Murray does a terrific Thomas Jefferson. We got the voices just right. [Murray and Nick speak to each other in normal tones throughout] Murray Burns: [to Nick] Hi, Alex, how're you doing? Nick: Fine. Say, Tom, you should have been in Congress today. Leo: This is ridiculous! You can't do an imitation of Alexander Hamilton, nobody knows what he sounds like! Nick: That's the funny part. Murray Burns: You missed the funny part, Leo. You are not a person, Mr. Burns. You are an experience! | |
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Waiter: Have you decided on your luncheon order, sir? Murray Burns: Yes. I'll have a hamburger. And a flashlight. There's the little guy. I've got a Chuckles statue for you. Nick: Thank you, Mr. Herman. Imagine how pleased I am to receive it. Better go to your room. Nick: This is a one-room apartment. Murray Burns: OK, then go to your alcove. ...after I leave here... from this place... from your mind. And regardless of what you think of me... Murray Burns: I think you're a dirty O.W. Albert Amundsen: [slight pause] And do you know what you are? Maladjusted! Murray Burns: Ooh! [strikes heart and sinks to the floor] [answers phone] Hello, is this someone with good news or money? No? Goodbye! [hangs up] You might call Nick a bastard... or a little bastard, depending on how whimsical you feel at the time. I just want him to stay with me until I can be sure he won't turn into Norman Nothing. I want to be sure he'll know when he's chickening out on himself. I want him to get to know exactly the special thing he is or else he won't notice it when it starts to go. I want him to stay awake and know who the phonies are, I want him to know how to holler and put up an argument, I want a little guts to show before I can let him go. I want to be sure he sees all the wild possibilities. I want him to know it's worth all the trouble just to give the world a little goosing when you get the chance. And I want him to know the subtle, sneaky, important reason why he was born a human being and not a chair. | |
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