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Quotes of Movie: "Whoops Apocalypse" [1982]

  • The Deacon:
    If the Lord had meant us not to panic, he wouldn't have given us clean trousers!

  • President Johnny Cyclops:
    I don't like the sounds of this.



    The Deacon:
    Sir, if the Lord had meant us to like everything we heard, he wouldn't have given us commercial radio.

  • Jay Garrick:
    Today General E.F. "Gizzard" Pemberley died when a bomb exploded under his bed. Two eighteen-year-old marines also died.

  • Jay Garrick:
    The mystery of the missing Quark Bomb has been solved. It was seen going off twenty minutes ago in what used to be Israel.

  • The Deacon:
    If the Lord had meant us to rely on geriatrics; he wouldn't have given us the supreme court.

  • Premier Dubienkin:
    All these rumours of a food shortage are nonsense. I mean, the fact I have a dead dog in my fridge doesn't mean anything. Why shouldn't I have a dead dog in my fridge if I wish?



    American ambassador:
    Yeah, it's a free country.


    [pause]



    American ambassador:
    Sorry.

  • Nurse:
    The president shouldn't be disturbed.



    The Deacon:
    Well, this one is.

  • Jay Garrick:
    I'm Jay Garrick, but for how much longer?

  • Commisar Solzhenitsyn:
    You think you're so tough?



    Jed Grodd:
    Tougher than you can handle, Russkie.



    Commisar Solzhenitsyn:
    We shall see.


    [pause]



    Commisar Solzhenitsyn:
    Boris, help, my back's gone again.

  • Jed Grodd:
    We're gonna crash!



    Helicopter pilot:
    Sorry, sir, I was just following government policy.



    Jed Grodd:
    What are you talking about?



    Helicopter pilot:
    Fuel conservation. I only filled the tank half-way up!

  • The Deacon:
    If the Lord had meant us to be sensible, he wouldn't have given us credit cards.

  • Jay Garrick:
    It's the 3am News. I'm Jay Garrick and you're an insomniac.

  • Chancellor of the Exchecquer:
    The Prime Minister thinks he's Superman! We can't keep this up, I mean look at this note, "Can't make Question Time, Brainiac's escaped from the phantom zone"!

  • [on tape we see Lacrobat disguised as a Swedish man holding an Abba album]



    Lacrobat:
    Good day, my name's Olaf Jokkmokk and I am Swedish. Oh dear, I've dropped the keys to my volvo! I represent a firm of dentists, and I first came into contact with Lacrobat last year, to inquire about an estimate for the liquidation of John McEnroe. Since then, he has wiped out five entire chains of rival dentists. That is why I always vouch for Lacrobat.

  • Ahdab:
    Of course, phantom of the Opera.

  • Jay Garrick:
    A man carrying a banner saying "The world ends tomorrow" was arrested for leaking information.

  • Jay Garrick:
    I'm Jay Garrick, I hope you are too.

  • Premier Dubienkin:
    Russia is a great country. Many people like living in Russia. Read this


    [he hands over a piece of paper]



    American ambassador:
    "I like living in Russia." So I see ...



    Premier Dubienkin:
    Here is a written account by two witnesses...



    American ambassador:
    Right. Anyway ...



    Premier Dubienkin:
    And more then ten people can testify that it wasn't written at gun point.

  • [Pork enters wearing a superman cape and carrying a dog]



    Kevin Pork:
    I'm feeling under the weather.


    [he walks to the window]



    Kevin Pork:
    Come on Krypto, it's time for your flight round the block.


    [he throws the dog out the window]



    Kevin Pork:
    You know, I feel better already.

  • Premier Dubienkin:
    Neutral countries have two options - medium or well done.

  • Kevin Pork:
    I think I've been over-doing things. But I had a talk with the doctor and he gave me some pills to take.



    Chancellor of the Exchecquer:
    It'll be for the best, Kev. I'm sure it will.



    Foreign Secretary:
    Which doctor is this then Kev?



    Kevin Pork:
    Doctor Destiny of Earth two. Sure; you know him. He helped me to save Lois Lane in the giant star fish of Atlantis.

  • Ahdab:
    Is that you, crown jewel of the universe?

  • [repeated line]



    Newseader:
    Police raid a cafe in Brixton.

  • Commisar Solzhenitsyn:
    So, I see we have a smart-arsed parrot on our hands!

  • Lacrobat:
    Governments toppled, plants installed, or for that very special assassination; why not use Lacrobat?

    • Movie: "Whoops Apocalypse" [1982]
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