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Quotes of Movie: "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" [1

  • Jay Leno:
    It's so cold in Washington, DC, it took 15 minutes to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart.

  • Dennis Miller:
    I like Dick Cheney, because he's perpetually pissed off.

  • [trying to fight off the "Ebonic Plague"]



    Kevin Eubanks:
    Oh no! There be a hole in my suit!

  • [on guest Quentin Tarantino]



    Jay Leno:
    He's the kind of guy you don't know is drunk until you see him sober.

  • [about embarrassing Presidential relatives]



    Jay Leno:
    You know who the embarrassing brother in the Bush family is?


    [Breaks out laughing]



    Jay Leno:
    George!

  • Jay Leno:
    [to Hugh Grant] What the hell were you thinking?

  • [Jay Leno tells a joke about Bush "outsourcing" the presidency]



    Jay Leno:
    That seemed kinda mean, didn't it? Who is writing all these Bush jokes? Ellen, put on the camera in the cue card room.


    [switches camera to John Edwards writing monologue cue cards]



    Jay Leno:
    Who's writing in there?



    John Edwards:
    Hey Jay - you do your job, and let me do mine.

  • Jay Leno:
    It was so cold in California today, Scott Peterson has said he's actually looking forward to going to Hell.

  • [on trip to China, guest Liam Neeson spent about $15 on some very cheap watches for his kids]



    Jay Leno:
    You cheap bastard.

  • [about President Bush touring the South after Hurricane Katrina]



    Jay Leno:
    He saw something below sea level. Yeah, his approval rating.

  • [about the Kansas City Royals, who lost 17 games in row]



    Jay Leno:
    It looks like President Bush wasn't the *only* one taking the entire month of August off.

  • [about Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers]



    Jay Leno:
    She called Bush "the most brilliant man I ever met." This is a woman we're hiring for her *judgment*?

  • Jay Leno:
    [during "Headlines", imitating in southern accent ] Well, looook, here's some suuure fine winder cleaner!

  • [about all the Hollywood remakes of "King Kong"]



    Jay Leno:
    I think it's just a case of monkey see, monkey do.

  • Jay Leno:
    [reading an Ad on "Headlines"] Men, do you have vaginal dryness?

  • Jay Leno:
    [Re: Various things like a jewel-encrusted Mr. Potato Head] This is why poor countries hate us!

  • Jay Leno:
    [doing "Headlines"] "Organism" can be a tricky word to spell...

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