Statistic
- Quotes: 124963
- Topics: 1241
- Proverbs: 1023
- Searches: 38684
Fashion
Subscribe
Vote
Total 31307 votesAnd 76746 points
Quotes of Movie: "The Royle Family" [1998]
|
Dad, stop fiddling with yourself. Jim Royle: I'm not fiddling with meself, I paid a quid for these underpants and I've got about 50 pence worth stuck up me arse. Barbara Royle: She's right. If you're not picking you're arse, you're pecking you're teeth. Jim Royle: I'll pick what I want in me own house and when she gets her own house she can pick what she likes - her nose, her arse, her teeth. Just go and treat yourself. Barbara Royle: Oh, I'm ashamed of this family, I am really. You're tight as a crab's arse, you, Dad. Jim Royle: Crab's arse, my arse, it's two pound fifty phoning next door! Anne Robinson, my arse! Watchdog? I am watching a bloody dog! Jim Royle: At least you can do something bloody properly! | |
|
Jim Royle: I've joined the dance Roger Kavanagh: What dance is that, Jim? Jim Royle: The REDUNdance [about her mother on the phone] It's shocking, really, you know - she's 82. Jim Royle: Why what's happened? Barbara Royle: Well, she went down the precinct and she had this voucher - and it was one day out of date and the miserable sod of a manager wouldn't let her have the money off! Jim Royle: How much was it worth? Barbara Royle: 20p. Jim Royle: 20p? It'll cost her more than that to ring every bugger she knows to tell! Antony, take that chicken out to the bins, will you, love? That chicken will start to stink if we leave it out. Antony Royle: Mam, I've just sat down [points at Jim] Antony Royle: what about lazy-arse here! Barbara Royle: 'Ey! There's to much swearing in this house [turns to Jim] Barbara Royle: that's you that is Jim, you've taught him that! Jim Royle: Taught him my arse! Shall we go down The Feathers for the last hour? Dave Best: No, I'm knackered. Denise Royle: Ok. I'm not bothered anyway - we can always stay in and watch the telly. Dave Best: Is there 'owt on? Denise Royle: No. Dave Best: Well, we may as well go down the feathers then. Denise Royle: You were too knackered to go a minute ago! Barbara Royle: Oh, let him go for a drink if that's what he wants! Denise Royle: I just asked him! He said he was too knackered to go! Dave Best: Do you wanna' go or what? Denise Royle: I wanted to go in the first place. I'm not going now anyway - you've annoyed me. [talking to Denise who obviously isn't listening] Oh - you know that Donna who works with me. Well, she only works half days - afternoons. And her Mam usually picks the kids up for her; anyway - her Mam's going into hospital and she won't be able to pick the kids up for her. So, Donna, wants to swap to mornings', so - she has to see Pauline. So, she goes and sees Pauline and she says "Can I swap to mornings?" and she tells her, you know, about her Mam going to hospital and all that. And Pauline's not having any of it - she's got herself in a right pickle. What's she going to do? Denise Royle: What are you on about? Barbara Royle: Donna! Jim Royle: What's the matter with her? Barbara Royle: Well, her Mam you see normally picks the kids up for her in the afternoons' after school - but she's going into hospital so she won't be able to. So Donna wanted to swap - Pauline won't let her. So she's stuck with someone to pick the kids' up for her, ain't she. Jim Royle: Well, what's that got to do with you? I mean it's not your bloody problem is it? Barbara Royle: I'm just telling you! Jim Royle: Well, don't you think I've got enough to worry about myself? Barbara Royle: [sighs] You've no interest in anyone but yourself, Jim. I never drink me, just a sherry at Christmas, whiskey at new year and a bottle of stout. Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy. Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy. Woah-ho, if you lot take my advice, you won't go near that lavatory for at least half an hour and whatever you do don't strike a bloody match. Denise Royle: Dad, we've got company. Jim Royle: Well, it's only Dave, he's as bloody bad. Denise Royle: Why do you have to announce it every time you go to the toilet. Jim Royle: I'm only making polite conversation, what's the do with her? Denise Royle: Well, we could do without it, thanks all the same. Jim Royle: [to Barbara] And what do you keep buying that bloody cheap toilet paper for? It's cutting my arse to ribbons. Denise Royle: Mam, tell him, he's doing it on purpose now. Barbara Royle: When I was buying the dear stuff you complained. Jim Royle: [taken aback] I didn't. Barbara Royle: You did, said you 'may as well wipe your arse on pound notes. Jim Royle: [Jim starts to laugh hysterically] Oh, yeah, I did, yeah, I did, yeah. [in a discussion of homosexuals] Well, I don't care what anybody is - I don't care whether they're gay, straight or Australian. It's what they're like as a person that matters. Jim Royle: Aye, aye Barb', steady on there, will ya? This ain't Live Aid you know, its just my bloody birthday. Barbara Royle: Oh, you're a sarcastic bugger you are Jim! [after Dave agrees to take her home] Oh, you're a good'n. I'll leave you something nice in my will. Dave Best: Hey - why wait till then? There'll be plenty of room in the back of the van when you get out - I've had my eye on that clock of yours. Norma Speakman: Ha, ha - you cheeky begger. Hugh Scully'd give us a few bob for that. Denise Royle: Will you stop talking about Nana dying? Jim Royle: Yeah! Have a little bit of respect - wait till she's gone out of the door. [laughs] Jim Royle: Oh, I'm only joking, Norma - bloody hell, it'll be a sad day in this house when you snuff it... if we don't get that clock. Barbara Royle: Oh - he hasn't got a heart, Mam - he's got a swinging brick. Get your coat on, Barb. Barbara Royle: Are you taking me with you? Jim Royle: No, I'm gonna turn the fire off... of course I'm taking you. I wouldn't leave you here on me birthday, would I? Better bring your purse. Barbara Royle: [quietly] Ugh. May God forgive you Jim Royle for talking ill of the dead like that. Jim Royle: I wasn't speaking ill of the dead, I was speaking about you, the living bloody dead! [talking about Dave and Beverly Macca] Every time when I come out of the toilet she was round him, right, like flies, right, round shit. [to Dave] Denise Royle: And you're the shit, and she? she's not even the fly because she's to fat to be the fly and she's the shit and that's what they are, they're two shovels of shit. Barbara Royle: You don't have to bring shit into it, love. [to Dave] Every time you do a gig round here, that cow is there! Jim Royle: What's going on now? Barbara Royle: Oh, they're arguing about Beverly Macca. Jim Royle: She's all right ? Beverly. She's a tasty little piece. I'm only not smoking in front of Baby David until he's old enough to get up and walk out of the room, then it's his choice. 'Ey, I'm rough today me me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night. Jim Royle: I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you. Antony Royle: How d'ya know if its a bad pint? Dave Best: Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle. Jim Royle: Where did you go? Dave Best: Pear tree. Jim Royle: Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there. Dave Best: Well, I know that now, don't I? Jim Royle: Bloody hell, He doesn't clean his pumps him. Antony Royle: No, actually the lagers all right. Jim Royle: How would you know, soft lad? Antony Royle: Dad, I'm 15. Jim Royle: 'Ey! listen if I ever catch you in The Feathers I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep! Dave Best: I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough. How's your diet going, Cheryl? Cheryl Carroll: Oh, all right thanks, yeah, Barbara, I lost 4 pounds... and then I put 2 back on and then another 2. But I've not gained any. Barbara Royle: Oh, well I think you're doing ever so well to stick to it, love. [talking about Dave and Denise's honeymoon] So, where is it you're going again? Denise Royle: Tenerife. Norma Speakman: Ooh, that'll be gorgeous, won't it! Me and your grandad went to Blackpool for a week in a B&B. It's a Harry Ramsden's now, which is quite fitting as we met in a fish shop, It was after the town hall dance, I went there with my friend Betty. Barbara Royle: Oh, Betty. Barbara Royle: She married a joiner, moved to Leeds, he knocked her about a bit, but her home was lovely. Mary Carroll: Do you ever hear from her, Norma? Norma Speakman: No, I never liked her even when we were best friends. [talking about Joe] Look out, here comes Mastermind. Is this hat too far forward? Jim Royle: No, we can still see your face. Would you like a sandwich, love? Dave Best: No thanks, Nana. Norma Speakman: There's no Picalilly left in this jar. Jim Royle: You're joking. Do you think we can continue with the celebrations in the face of that revelation? | |
| Calendar | |
 |
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Best Authors
- (1301)
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (714)
- Samuel Johnson (404)
- William Shakespeare (385)
- Oscar Wilde (370)
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (329)
- Benjamin Franklin (304)
- Albert Einstein (283)
- Henry David Thoreau (280)
- George Bernard Shaw (274)
Search
Pop by Searches
hayek 2 |
diary 165 life 90 delivery 56 sex 56 wives 56 Robbie Williams 54 friendship 52 skirts 52 key word 50 |
|
|
Best Quote
Worst Quote
