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Quotes of Movie: "The Honeymooners" [1955]
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Don't start that again, Alice. No wife of mine is gonna work. I got my pride. You know, no Kramden woman has ever supported her husband. The Kramden men are the workers in the family. Alice: Wait a minute, Ralph. What about your father? For a long time there he didn't work at all. Ralph: But neither did my mother. At least he kept his pride, Alice. He went on relief. Alice: Maybe you won't have to get the margarine, Trix. Four hundred pounds of lard just walked in. Ralph: You have just said the secret word, Alice. You have just won a trip to the moon. Ralph, what do you need ten dollars for? What crazy scheme have you got in mind now? Ralph: It ain't no crazy scheme. I need the money to rent a costume for the party tomorrow night. Alice: Rent a costume? I thought you were going to do what you did last year - wear a torn undershirt, talk out of the side of your mouth and go as Marlon Brando. If any of the Racoons ever get sick, it'll be my responsibility to go and visit them. Alice: Oh, that is a very important responsibility, Ralph. You better start now and find out what the visiting hours are at Bellevue. Ralph: That did it, Alice - that did it. You have just broken the camel's back with that straw. You have ridiculed my brother Racoons. You have just made fun of something very big that's close to my heart. Alice: The only thing big that's close to your heart is your stomach. | |
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Wouldn't it be a lot easier just to buy a new watch? Norton: I don't need a new watch, Ralph. There's nothing wrong with this one. It just needs a new mainspring, that's all. I'll have to find out where to get it repaired. I think I'll write a letter to Walt Disney about it tonight. Ralph: Norton, if a man in a white coat ever knocks on your door, don't ask for tutti-frutti, 'cause he ain't the Good Humor man. I have - I've got an explanation. A perfect one. I'm a dope. Not a run-of-the-mill dope, the world's champ. For years I've been talking for granted the most wonderful thing tht's ever happened to me - you. I've never shown you the appreciation you deserve, Alice. You could walk outta that door right now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something better than me. There are a million guys who'd give you anything if they could have a girl like you. Alice: Ralph, I don't want a million. There's just one guy I want: you. Ralph: Baby, you're the greatest. This is probably the biggest thing I ever got into. Alice: The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants. Norton, I'm gonna count to five. And when I get to five you better be out that door. Norton: I'm not a-scared of you. If you could count they wouldn't be investigating your taxes. Yessir, this is the time I'm gonna get my pot of gold. Alice: Just go for the gold, you've already got the pot. Ralph: One of these days, one of these days... POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! Ralph: Har har, hardee har har! Ralph: Bang, zoom! One of these days, Alice, one of these days... bang... zoom. Ralph, if Trixie doesn't start getting some sleep, she'll waste away. Ralph: Trixie wasting away? What about me wasting away? Alice: You couldn't waste away in nine years. Ralph: How would you like to waste away on the moon? Hamana-hamana-hamana-hamana. Ralph there's only one thing you can do. Only one thing. You just gotta go down there and give them back the $5, 000 and tell them the truth. Ralph: They don't care about the $5, 000. This installment is on the stands now. They'll be laughed out of the business. What are they going to put in the next installment? Bus driver won't die from scratching fleas? [placing hands on hips] I've got it here, and I've got it here. Alice: [placing hands on hips and stomach] You've got it here, you've got it here, and you've got it here. Hold it. Hooolllddd it. Wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? Alice: Nothing Ralph, Carlos is just teaching us the mambo. Trixie: That's right Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the mambo. Ralph: Ohhhhhhh, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that puts a different light on everything... when I first came in here, I didn't know what you were doing... now I know, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that makes a world of difference... EVERYBODY OUT. Norton: First, you address the ball... hello, ball. There's a riot, the two of us hiding our Christmas gifts like we're a couple of kids when we couldn't wait to see 'em till tomorrow. (chuckles) What're you getting me? Ed Norton: Sheesh. What a grouch. Tough luck, Ralphie-boy. You know something, sweetheart? Christmas is... well, it's about the best time of the whole year. When you walk down the streets, even for weeks before Christmas comes, and there's lights hanging up, green ones and red ones, sometimes there's snow and everyone's hustling some place. But they don't hustle around Christmastime like they usually do. You know, they're a little more friendlier... they bump into you, they laugh and they say, "Pardon me. Merry Christmas"... especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home, you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringin', kids are singing, the snow is coming down. And boy what a pleasure it is to think that you've got some place to go to. And that the place that you're going to, there's somebody in it that you really love. Some one you're nuts about. Merry Christmas. You're a riot, Alice. You're a regular riot. Hope they like those jokes on the moon, 'cause that's where you're goin'. What am I supposed to tell my mother when you're not here? Ralph: I don't care. Tell her I ran off and joined the circus. Alice: What as, an elephant? Ralph: Oh, you're a riot, Alice, a regular riot. I'll bet you got the whole building laughing. Ha, ha, ho, ho! You know, you're the one who oughta join a circus. You oughta be in the circus. You'd be funnier than that guy they got there now, Emmett Kelly, the clown. Much funnier. In fact, you look a little bit like him. All except for one thing: the big red nose. [He raises his fist at Alice] Ralph: And you might get *that* before this is over | |
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