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Quotes of Movie: "The Goodies" [1970]
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Tim: At least there's time to do the ironing. [Brings in the ironing board and a basket of laundry] Tim: Just think, this is the end of Derby County... and the Muppets! Graeme: The Muppets? Tim: Yes, when we go, they'll go too, you know... oh, I do hope they don't suffer. Graeme: They're not real, you know! Tim: Well, of course they're real! Graeme: Don't be silly... the Muppets are just dollies! Tim: If they're "dollies", how come they can sing and dance and make sophisticated funny remarks? Graeme: Look, Kermit the frog is a green sock. Tim: [suddenly disturbed] What? Graeme: Kermit the frog is a man on his knees with a green sock on his hand! [to demonstrate, he uses a green sock as a glove puppet and imitates Kermit] Graeme: "Hello frog lovers, and welcome to the Muppet Show! I'd like to welcome our very special guest, Miss Piggy. Yay-ay-ay-ay!" Tim: Well she has GOT to be real. Graeme: Pair of old y-fronts and a mop head. [He holds up a pair of underpants and a mop head, and speaks like Miss Piggy] Graeme: "Hello Kermit, spawn of my heart, frog of my dreams!" [as Kermit] Graeme: "Hi there Miss Piggy, and what can I do for you?" Fozzie Bear is a brown woolly jumper with a hat on! [Holds up a brown pullover and a hat and speaks like Fozzie] Graeme: "Oh boy, funn-y! Oh Kermit, I hope those two old guys don't heckle me!" [Holds up two sponge balls and imitates Waldorf and Statler] Graeme: "Boo boo, the bear's a comedian, the comedian's a bear! Boo, boo!" [Waves a feather duster in Tim's face and bellows] Graeme: "A-NI-MAL!" Tim: [Nearly hysterical] No, stop it! Lies! LIES! Graeme: [holds up the green sock again and sings] "Halfway up the stairs is the stair where I"... Tim: NO! [runs into the kitchen, screaming] Graeme: I'll release his inhibitions through anger and violence! My life's work is at an end. I can die a happy man. [Tim emerges screaming from the kitchen and throws the gas cooker at Graeme] Graeme: You shouldn't have hit me with that! You'll ruin the cake! [holding a sheaf of paper in his hand] Just look at these end of year expenses! Tim: Yeah, you're right. [looks up] Tim: Bill? Bill: [lounging on the sofa] Yeah? Tim: You're fired! Bill: Okay. [sitting up] Bill: What? Enjoyment? There is no enjoyment at the Eisteddfod. Eistedfod is an old Welsh word, from the old Welsh. It comes from two words: "eistedd" meaning "bored" and "fod" meaning "stiff". Be fair, I think the GPO have got a very difficult job to do. Tim: Yes, that's why they do it so badly. | |
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But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans! [reading from the Book of Stars] Rolf Harris... Number of legs... variable Well I'll be horn-swoggled! Graeme: Your personal life is no concern of ours. Buster Keaton? He must have spent three weeks painting the whole town black and white, and then when that house falls on him he doesn't make a sound! Not so much as a "My God, that was close"... Listen! If he goes, I go. Graeme: It's a deal. Don't worry, the windscreen won't shatter. Bill: How come? Graeme: No glass. I do not want money. I do not want wealth. All I ask is that people humbly and honestly sink to their knees and worship me. | |
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