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Quotes of Movie: "The Beverly Hillbillies" [1962]
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When I give my word, I expect you to keep it. When the other little kids played hide and seek, Little Milby started his first business. Milburn Drysdale: Every kid had a lemonade stand. Jane Hathaway: He opened a pawn shop! Boy, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to clean up all this mess. Jethro: Aw come on, Uncle Jed. I'm gonna clean up. I'm gonna set this world on fire! Jed Clampett: You're gonna clean up alright. Everything. Or you're gonna end up with the seat of your britches on fire. Elly May done popped the buttons off her shirt again. Jed Clampett: Elly May carries herself proud with her shoulders throwed back. Granny: It ain't her shoulders that have been poppin' these buttons. | |
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Well doggies! Vittles! Now, Chief, in all fairness to the employees, you do not display much holiday spirit. Milburn Drysdale: What do they want from me? I gave them half a day off on Christmas! If you would only display a little generosity: a Christmas bonus, a few gifts! Milburn Drysdale: I refuse to commercialize Christmas just to kowtow to my pampered employees. Miss Hathaway, are you responsible for the employees of this bank referring to me as Ebeneezer Scrooge? Jane Hathaway: No, why do you ask? Milburn Drysdale: When I came through the lobby just now they all chanted in unison 'Here come da Scrooge! Here come da Scrooge! Most places do something for their employees at this time of year. Milburn Drysdale: Well, I've given them Christmas Day off. Jane Hathaway: Chief, most banks even give a holiday bonus. Milburn Drysdale: I've already thought of that. Jane Hathaway: You have? Milburn Drysdale: Just this morning I said to myself, 'Milburn, you've got to give those loyal employees of yours a Christmas bonus.' Jane Hathaway: But, Chief, that's extraordinary! Milburn Drysdale: I thought so, too. Fortunately, a cold shower brought me to my senses. [Jed and Jehtro are discussing a "fast" girl back in the hills] Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jehtro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was! [Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the story] Jethro: I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie! Jed Clampett: [Disgusted] Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk. [Jethro has decided that he'd like to become a Bullfighter, and has asked Jed if they can get a bull, so he can practice. Jed presents the idea to Granny] Granny, I got a idea. Let's get us a bull. Granny: What? Jed Clampett: Now, hear me out. We been wantin' to have a good ol' fashioned barbecue. Granny: But, Jethro'll go to fightin' it! Jed Clampett: Not for long. 'Pears to me they ain't nothin' a man can get his fill of, faster, than scrappin' with a bull. Granny: Ain'tcha afraid he'll git hurt? Jed Clampett: Nahh. A good stout bull can take care o' hisself. Granny: Well, if there's one thing Jethro'd like better than fightin' it, it'd be eatin' it! Jed Clampett: This way, he can do both! Granny: And how do we do that, Mr. Sixth-Grade Graduate? [buxom elderly millionaress who wants Jed to come in with her as a business partner on a real estate development venture she calls Honeymoon Lane] I need a partner who will come into Honeymoon Lane with me. I have the license, and I have the heavy equipment. Jed Clampett: Well, ma'am, them's the kinda things a man likes to find out fer himself. How do you like yer possum, Lowell, fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it? Lowell Redlings Farquhar: [looking slightly nauseated] I'm really not hungry. We'll never find another... BRAIN... like his! Male Bank Robber Also Masquerading: He's a double-zero if I ever saw one. Now, no more a' this chasin' after other girls. Can't no boy love TWO girls. Jethro: Well, that leaves out Essie Belle. She's about two girls and a HALF! When Mrs. Drysdale gets home she's gonna call the PO-lice! Jethro: No she won't. I gnawed the stump so it'd look like a BEAVER done it! [dictating a letter to Miss Jane] ... and furthermore, if you are late on your mortgage payment one more time you will be thrown out into the street... Jane Hathaway: Chief, she's eighty-five years old and in a wheelchair! Milburn Drysdale: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know... change that to read, you will be wheeled out into the street. [to an obviously revolted Mr. Drysdale] That's the thing about salted down possum, it's just as good the second day. [On Jethro's intelligence, or lack thereof] If brains was lard, that boy wouldn't have enough to grease a skillet. [to his equally shiftless father Lafe Crick] I knew you'd be proud a' me... it's the most I ever stole. | |
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