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Quotes of Movie: "The Andy Griffith Show" [1960]
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Barney Fife: Now here at the Rock we have two rules. Memorize them until you can say them in your sleep. Rule number one: obey all rules. Rule number two: no writing on the walls. The last big buy was my mom's and dad's anniversary present. Andy Taylor: What'd ya get 'em? Barney Fife: A septic tank. Andy Taylor: For their anniversary? Barney Fife: They're awful hard to buy for. Besides, it was something they could use. They were really thrilled. It had two tons of concrete in it. All steel reinforced. Andy Taylor: You're a fine son, Barn. Barney Fife: I try. Man, we really packed it away, didn't we? Andy Taylor: Yeah, boy. Barney Fife: Fortunately, none of mine goes to fat. All goes to muscle. Andy Taylor: Does, huh? Barney Fife: It's a mark of us Fifes. Everything we eat goes to muscle. [pats tummy] Barney Fife: See there? You know, everyone complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Calvin Coolidge said that. Andy Taylor: No, Floyd, that wasn't Calvin Coolidge that said that, it was Mark Twain. Floyd Lawson: Then what did Calvin Coolidge say? | |
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Well, today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud. Andy Taylor: I'm going to have a talk with them. What else do you want me to do? Barney Fife: Well, don't just mollycoddle them. Andy Taylor: I won't. Barney Fife: Nip it. You go read any book you ant on the subject of child discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping. Well, Barney, you know we always give the truck drivers an extra five miles an hour so they can make it up Turner's Grade. Barney Fife: Now Andy, if you let them take thirty, they'll take thirty-five. If you let them take thirty-five, they'll take forty. If you let them take forty, they'll take forty-five. If you... Andy Taylor: Uh, Barn. If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive. Barney Fife: A dog can't get struck by lightning. you know why? 'Cause he's too close to the ground. See, lightning strikes tall things. Now if they were giraffes out there in the field, now then we'd have trouble. Goob, did anybody ever tell you you've got a big mouth? Goober Pyle: Yeah, but I don't pay no attention to 'em. [angry] Oh, you're just full of fun today, aren't you? Why don't we go up to the old people's home and wax the steps? Andy Taylor: Floyd. Floyd Lawson: What's the matter? Andy Taylor: My sideburns. Floyd Lawson: Your sideburns - what's the matter with your sideburns? Andy Taylor: Why, they're both even. Floyd Lawson: Well, I'll be dogged. How'd that happen? Andy Taylor: I declare, Floyd, I believe you're getting the hang of it. And looka there - they're the right length and everything. Did you like the white beans you had for supper? Andy Taylor: Uh huh. Aunt Bee Taylor: Well, you didn't say anything. Andy Taylor: Well, I ate four bowls. If that ain't a tribute to white beans, I don't know what is. Aunt Bee Taylor: Well... Andy Taylor: Eating speaks louder than words. Aunt Bee Taylor: You know, your education was worth every penny of it. What are you doing? Barney Fife: Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry. Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say, there's three reasons why there's so little crime in Mayberry. There's Andy, and there's me, and [patting gun] Barney Fife: baby makes three. When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me. If only someone would just kill somebody? Andy Taylor: Barney? Barney Fife: Well, it wouldn't have to be anyone we know... If two strangers was to come to town, and if one of them was gonna kill the other one anyway... Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, Mr. Darling, can't you and your boys handle him? Briscoe Darling: Well, we thought about killin' him, but we didn't want to go that far. Helen: Just who do you think you are, anyway, Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant? Call the man. Gentlemen, I give you science in action. Proof-positive the camera does not lie; it sees all, tells all. Let's get this film down to the lab at Mrs. Mason's drugstore. Somewhere wandering loose around Mayberry is a loaded goat. They don't do things that way anymore. This is the Age of Science Know-How, electronal marvels. What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a man take off a dress before? All I'm saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with. We don't know everything, Andy. There's plenty going on right now in the Twilight Zone that we don't know anything about and I think we ought to stay clear. | |
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