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Quotes of Movie: "Teen Angel" [1997]
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What a tangled web we weave, to get a date for Steve... Beauchamp. Steve, I don't know why you want to sing "Frog Went A-Courtin'" in a British accent at 3am, but cut it out! I knew he'd leave me one day, but did it have to be for a blonde? It's so typical!... there, I said it. [to Nia] Even heaven can't compare to you. | |
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[to an angel in the opening sequence] Hey, what'd you die of? No, no, wait a minute. This isn't happening to me. Marty DePolo: No, no, it's true, check it out! I've got retractable wings! Come on. Feel it. Steve Beauchamp: Nah, a guy doesn't feel another guy's wings, man. Marty DePolo: Come on. Get with the times. Oh, Marty, Marty. I've been doing this a long time, Hon. I know what you must be feeling, but don't you worry. The good have nothing to fear. Marty DePolo: Uh oh! It is only because of your extreme youth that we are considering your admission into Heaven. Marty DePolo: All right, tried as a minor! Hey, I'll visit whenever I can. I get all the Jewish holidays off. [whispers] Marty DePolo: The boss' son is Jewish. [tries to hug Steve, but goes right through him] Not solid enough; I gotta eat more bananas. No way! There really is a Cupid? God's cousin Rod: Of course! How do you think Claudia Schiffer ended up with that Copperfield fellow? And Aunt Louise is an angel now, and so's Grandpa Joe. Marty DePolo: He must be the 'fall asleep with his hands in his pants' angel. Heaven is a very special place. All your loved ones go there. Katie Beauchamp: Even my sea-monkeys? Judy Beauchamp: Even your sea-monkeys. Katie Beauchamp: So, everything you flush down the toilet goes to heaven. Judy Beauchamp: Well, not everything. Let me do some research here. [walks down to where Edie and her friend are at their lockers. He snaps his fingers and Edie's friend goes over to her] Friend: Edie, would you ever go out with a guy who couldn't sing? Edie: Gross! Marty DePolo: I was afraid of that. Hey, I could find out a lot of things. [snaps his fingers again and Edie's friend walks back over to her] Friend: Edie, what did you think of Marty DePolo when he was alive? Edie: Gross! Marty DePolo: I'm not licked yet! [snaps his fingers again] Friend: Edie, what would you think of Marty DePolo if he were alive and he could sing? Edie: Gross! Marty DePolo: [goes to snap his fingers again but thinks better of it] I give up. We'll start things off with a nice gift basket. Marty DePolo: Gift basket? God's cousin Rod: It's full of goodies to help with your adjustment. Laurie: Ooh, turtle wax! Marty DePolo: I didn't get a gift basket. God's cousin Rod: Marty. Marty DePolo: Where's my turtle wax? God's cousin Rod: Marty, don't you have someplace else to be? Marty DePolo: Not really. [to Laurie] Marty DePolo: You gonna eat that salami? God's cousin Rod: Go help Steve with the talent show! Hello, Last Boy! Ha ha ha... Hey, I made a pun! Steve Beauchamp: That wasn't a pun. Kyle: What is it? Steve Beauchamp: Er, unprovoked abuse? Kyle: Fine by me. I'm outta here. [starts to walk away] Marty DePolo: Hey, have a nice trip! [sticks out his foot and Kyle trips over it and goes sprawling across the floor] Marty DePolo: Now THAT was a pun. All right, should I help him or shouldn't I? On the one hand, he really wants to do this for himself. On the other hand... Steve Beauchamp: [being thrown by Kyle] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Marty DePolo: ...there's that. [He jumps to his feet] Marty DePolo: Kyle, by the awesome power of Heaven I give you an invisible wedgy. [He pulls at the air and Kyle falls over clutching his bottom] Your new locker. [opens it for Steve] Jordan Lubell: Voila, dude. Steve Beauchamp: Wow. Jordan Lubell: And every night the janitor leaves a little mint on the top shelf. Beauchamp, are you talking to thin air? Steve Beauchamp: Uh... Coach Fortner: Whatever floats your boat. [waves to the air] Coach Fortner: Good-bye, Steve's invisible friend. Marty DePolo: Good-bye, Steve's hypertensive coach. Well I have a loose tooth, and I hear the tooth fairy's giving a hundred dollars now. Judy Beauchamp: Now, Katie, don't make things up. Steve Beauchamp: I made the wrestling team. Judy Beauchamp: You, too, Steve, don't make things up. Oh yeah? You wanna arm wrestle? Steve Beauchamp: Oh come on. Well, I'm a guy and you're... Aunt Pam: Yeah? Steve Beauchamp: You're my aunt. Katie Beauchamp: Aunts can lift 17 times their body weight. Judy Beauchamp: No, Katie, honey. You're thinking of those pesky ants that steal your food at picnics. Katie Beauchamp: Yeah, like Aunt Pam. Steve's on the wrestling team but he can't beat his aunt Pam. What's wrong with this picture? Marty DePolo: Well the contrast is a little off, and you only seem to be able to get this one channel, but I've got a cousin who could hook you up with a little box that... God's cousin Rod: We don't steal cable in Heaven! Steve Beauchamp. You've just gone from a total unknown to the top ranked wrestler in the district. How did you do it? Steve Beauchamp: [takes the mic] Well, I'm afraid I have a confession to make too. I owe all my success to, well, the forces of heaven. All: Awww. Steve Beauchamp: No, I'm serious. I had a guardian angel on my side. All: Awww. Steve Beauchamp: No, I'm not kidding. He's right there. [He points to Marty who's motioning to him to shut up. Coach takes the mic from him] [reading fan mail] Dear Teen Angel, how do I get out those water marks left by soda cans on my coffee table? That's easy. Use your magic powers. Thanks for writing. | |
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