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Quotes of Movie: "Stark Raving Mad" [1999]

  • [Tess ate some bad food at a diner]



    Tess Farraday:
    I'm not putting anything in my mouth for a week!



    Ian Stark:
    Have a nice night, Henry.

  • Henry:
    (extremely nervous) Sometimes a friend is... is, called upon, to... uh... forgive the other, because... because, because because because...



    Ian Stark:
    Because of the wonderful things he does?

  • Henry:
    Tess has felt threatened ever since she found an old photo of Susan sunbathing in Greece, all topless and tan and glistening and... topless.



    Ian Stark:
    Tess was snooping through your stuff, huh?



    Henry:
    No, actually it was my screensaver.

  • Tess Farraday:
    Carol says that every guy has a girl that he calls when he gets drunk. She's yours, isn't she?



    Henry:
    No! You're my drunken call girl!

  • Ian Stark:
    If you hadn't let him get so near ya, he wouldn'ta died from your bacteria.

  • Henry:
    I'm trying to be less phobic and I'm afraid it's not going well.

  • Henry:
    Yeah, there is no


    [such word as]



    Henry:
    "dribbed." There's the noun "drib," which means a negligible amount.



    Ian Stark:
    Oh, I see. So I'm getting a drib of help from you right now.

  • Ian Stark:
    I just feel that names that end with "y" are weak, Henry.

  • Ian Stark:
    Good God, Henry! If you'd ever been in the army, your own men woulda held you down and dry-shaved you!

  • Ian Stark:
    I thought we ordered chicken wings.



    Margaret 'Maddie' Keller:
    Wings are for when you're drunk. Soup is for when you're sick.



    Jake Donovan:
    That's what my mom used to say. Boy, she loved her wings!

  • Margaret 'Maddie' Keller:
    Didn't your mother ever comfort you when you were sick?



    Henry:
    Yeah, of course. She was very loving. She used to sing to me over the intercom.

  • Henry:
    I'm going to go and read these pages in a more hygienic setting... like the bathroom of a Greyhound Bus.

  • Audrey:
    While other publishers are lunching with Mailer and Updike, I'll be debating whether a toaster would actually say, "I've got bread in my head."

  • Henry:
    Audrey, could I come along to lunch? I would love to meet the man who wrote "Ants in France Wear Pants When They Dance."



    Audrey:
    Good, because I'd love to drink and drink 'til I can't think.

  • Phyllis:
    So how about that check?



    Audrey:
    Yes, why cloud the moment with warmth and civility?

  • Ian Stark:
    You hugged the world's greatest children's author to death!



    Henry:
    I didn't kill anybody.



    Ian Stark:
    You didn't use a gun or knife but surely, sir, you took his life.

  • Tess Farraday:
    Jennifer's boyfriend used to say "Robert" in his sleep... and now he sleeps with Robert!

  • Henry:
    Why would he go all the way back to the warehouse?



    Ian Stark:
    Because he wants to get caught. That's what killers do. You know that - you're a killer.

  • Audrey:
    I'm never gonna get that advance check back!



    Henry:
    Audrey, this really isn't the day to be thinking about money.



    Audrey:
    Tell that to the widow Huggles - she cashed the damn thing this morning.



    Henry:
    The day of her husband's funeral?



    Audrey:
    You should have seen that line of cars with their lights on outside the bank!

  • Henry:
    Hey, I've been tryin' to call you all afternoon. What's wrong with your phone?



    Ian Stark:
    It keeps ringing.



    Henry:
    It stops ringing when you answer it.



    Ian Stark:
    Also when you smash it with a hammer.

  • Cesar:
    I hope everybody likes hot cheese!



    Henry:
    Wow, it's flaming.



    Ian Stark:
    Yeah, and the cheese is on fire.

  • Henry:
    I am going to be blacklisted thanks to you and your fish shenanigans.



    Ian Stark:
    Shenanigans? Well, just come out and say it, Henry. You think I'm a hooligan, don't ya? Up to some tomfoolery.

  • Margaret 'Maddie' Keller:
    Hey, if we don't get this fish back to the tank in another couple of minutes, we might as well just get it to a cracker.

  • Ian Stark:
    Where have you been? I just pretended to choke on an oyster for you, then Audrey ran over and gave me a Heimlich Maneuver - from the front!

  • Margaret 'Maddie' Keller:
    Of all the times I've slinked out of a man's apartment in my underwear, this is the one I'm most ashamed of.

    • Movie: "Stark Raving Mad" [1999]
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