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Quotes of Movie: "Square One TV" [1987]

  • Luisa:
    [opening her window] What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world?



    Arthur:
    [opening his window] The multiplication table.



    Luisa:
    [feigning innocence] Really? I didn't know that.



    Larry:
    [opening window wearing a George Washington mask] Hey, come on, that joke's older than I am! Woo hoo!


    [shuts window]



    Cris:
    [opening his window] Who was that masked man?

  • Mathnet Narrator:
    The story you are about to see is a fib, but it's short. The names are made up, but the problems are real.

  • Her shadow:
    I've been everywhere you've been, I've done everything you've done.



    Debbie Allen:
    Yes, but you're the flat one.



    Her shadow:
    Flat? You're the one who was singing.

  • Gregory Hines:
    Imagine. An island three feet wide, one thousand feet below. I have to drop a survival box to save a guy named Joe. So, I calculate my altitude, direction, and wind speed, then factor in the box's weight and the angle that I need. Now, I'm not ashamed to say I hit a perfect bull's-eye, I wave and move on. Joe can eat until he's rescued, I just hope he likes croutons.

  • Bev:
    [opening her window] Yo, Larry!



    Larry:
    [opening his] Yo? Yes, yo?



    Bev:
    What has three feet but cannot walk?



    Larry:
    A yard! Get it, yard? He he, guess I mowed you down, huh? Mowed!



    Cris:
    [opening window] Oh, Larry, you are such a cut-up.

  • Sgt. Kate Monday:
    I'm Kate Monday. This is my partner, George...



    Officer George Frankly:
    ...Frankly.



    Sgt. Kate Monday, Officer George Frankly:
    [showing their badges] Mathnet.

  • Narrator:
    Square One TV's roving reporter asks another question to the person on the street. Today's question: What is a dodecahedron?

  • Larry:
    Cris, how do you make a seven even?



    Cris:
    Well, duh, Larry, you take off the "s".

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  • Well we'd just seen Gerry. I think he wanted somebody who had that authority and was handsome. The thing is, he's a big hunk isn't he? All I can say, if you look at his chat line, or the Phantom website, it's quite worrying. Because the girls really seem to love him. (Andrew Lloyd Webber)


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  • I'm thinking, this is Robert Redford. You know, he's won an Academy Award, he's talking to me about directing a movie he's in. So you just think that it's Hollywood stuff or whatever (Barry Levinson)