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Quotes of Movie: "Sealab 2021" [2000]
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Calm down, I'll see what I can do about finding your little toy. Captain Murphy: It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it. Marco: Just try to calm down, go have some pudding. Captain Murphy: Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me! But it'll help. Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy? Captain Murphy: Wait a minute, he gets eye beams, but I can't get x-ray vision? Sparks: Okay... everybody gets x-ray vision. Captain Murphy: Yeah, and big chainsaw hands! I am a cyborg. My weak body couldn't deal with the viruses of the 21st century. So, using my I.Q. of 260 - that's 2-6-0 - I built a cybernetic body, and became this bastard child of science that you see before you. I'm not asking for your pity, and I don't want your apologies. All I want is your understanding and acceptance. I'm asking for your friendshi - [Sealab explodes] | |
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That's not in the budget! How are we paying for all this? Sparks: Selling pot. [pause] Sparks: ...Holders. [pause] Sparks: ...Made of hemp. [singing like Louie Armstrong] And I think to myself, I need exact change. Once again, your stupidity has killed us! When I wear blue, I am like the wind. A hot LATIN wind! That shockwave created a subspace fracture. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Take that, subspace! Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Shut up. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: No. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Hey Quinns, check it out! We built a time machine! Stormy Two is gonna' go back in time, and, uh, fix it all... up, there. Fix it... Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: You don't have the brain capacity to build a time machine. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: You're right. So I guess it's not so much a time machine... as it is a dodge ball connon! Say hello to my little friend... [the dodge ball cannon knocks all of the Quinns off of the screen] Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Eat it! Eat it! Get some! Get some! Okay, okay. So, say I put my brain in a robot body and there's a war. Robots versus humans. What side am I on? Debbie DuPree: Humans! You have a human brain. Sparks: But... the humans discriminate against you. You can't even vote! Marco: We'd better not have to live on a reservation. That would really chap my caboose. Captain Murphy: Yeah, but... nobody knows you're a robot. You look the same. Debbie DuPree: Uh, uh. Dogs know. That's how the humans hunt you. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: They're gonna' hunt me? For sport? Marco: That's why we have to CRUSH mankind! So you might as well get on board for the big win, Stormy. There goes my nipples again! Quiet, fignuts! The penalty for a robot harming a human will be one thousand years frozen in carbonite! Derek 'Stormy' Waters: A thousand years frozen in carbonite? It'll be so cold! Captain Murphy: My nipples are hard just thinking about it. Under Martian law doctors and other wizards are forbidden! Marco: I can chew nails and shoot them out as bullets right? Sparks: Nails, chains, you won't have titanium teeth for nothing. Captain Murphy: Nails are like candy to robots, and we'll eat tires instead of licorice. Debbie DuPree: [laughs] No we won't. Captain Murphy: Maybe YOU won't! Santa Maria! Captain you cannot punish the crew like this. They will mutiny! Captain Murphy: I will slaughter them like a wolf among lambs! The seas will run red with the blood of my enemies! Sparks: Take it easy there Tamberlain, sir. What kind of benefits are we talking about here? Hypothetically. Sparks: Uhh, you gotta check with henchman resources on that, it's not my department. But you will get a helmet and jumpsuit. Oh yeah, and metal teeth. [Marco imagines himself with helmet jumpsuit and metal teeth] Marco: That helmet makes me look like Ralph, you know, the motorcycle mouse. Sparks: How about a beret? Marco: Yeah, I can do a beret. Sparks: You're lucky. A lot of guys can't. It's time for the "I Hate Marco Show!" Radio Singers: I hate Marco, hate Marco, hate Marco, and his mailbox head! Captain Murphy: Go ahead caller, tell me why you hate Marco. Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Hi, Howlin' Mad: long time listener, first time caller. The reason I hate Marco is... he's a mailbox head? Captain Murphy: Oh yeah, real original. Sit on it, Potsie! Are you the dying, kid? Griff: I, uh... I, um... Debbie DuPree: You stutter, too? Could you have worse luck? Oh well, at least you won't have to deal with it in high school. You know, you throw a pretty good punch, Captain. Captain Murphy: Well, there were a lot of bullies in my neighborhood when I was a kid. Marco: Your dad got you boxing lessons? Captain Murphy: No, I just got beat up a lot. So now when I get the chance I like to sucker punch people. Okay, the crew is not gonna take this, Skip. It's like, remember the Caine Mutiny? Captain Murphy: Caine Mutiny? I love Michael Caine. "Goodnight you princes of SeaLab, you kings of the ocean. People are always asking me, 'Whats it all about, Alfred?'" Oh my God! Giant squid! Giant squid! Frenchman: Ah yes, loligo giganticus, with a razor sharp that can tear steel as easily as I tear a croissant. But at heart, he is a peaceful giant. Consider yourself zinged! Captain Murphy: I'll bet your lymph nodes are as big as cats! | |
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