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Quotes of Movie: "Sanford and Son" [1972]

  • [clutching his chest dramatically]



    Fred Sanford:
    Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey.

  • Fred Sanford:
    I ain't afraid to give you one across the lips.

  • Lamont Sanford:
    That's the way it used to be, Pop, now adays they give you one of them needles and you don't even know what hit you.



    Fred Sanford:
    Oh, now I know I ain't going.



    Lamont Sanford:
    Why not?



    Fred Sanford:
    Are you kidding? A needle. I don't wanna get hooked on that stuff. It'd change me from Friendly Fred to Junkie Joe.

  • Fred Sanford:
    You just dumb, son. You just dumb.

  • Bubba:
    The characters on that show are a lot like you. There's the grouchy father, the dumb son, the ugly sister in-law and the stupid, bungling friend


    [looks at Grady]



    Grady:
    [sarcastically] Your too hard on yourself Bubba.

  • Lamont Sanford:
    You're a dirty old man ya know that?



    Fred Sanford:
    And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man.

  • Fred Sanford:
    I still want to sow some wild oats.



    Lamont Sanford:
    At your age, you don't have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat.

  • Fred Sanford:
    [Coughs violently] Smokin' less but enjoying it more.


    [Lamont enters room]



    Fred Sanford:
    Hey Lamont you bring me cigarettes?



    Lamont Sanford:
    What?



    Fred Sanford:
    Cigarettes. Smokes. Did you get them?



    Lamont Sanford:
    Did you hear yourself just now?



    Fred Sanford:
    Yeah I asked if you brung me cigarettes.



    Lamont Sanford:
    No I mean did you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away, it sounded like they was tearing up the streets.

  • Fred Sanford:
    We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?



    Lamont Sanford:
    The oven don't work.



    Fred Sanford:
    Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or...



    Lamont Sanford:
    Would you stop that?

  • Lamont Sanford:
    Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.



    Fred Sanford:
    That's real super king sized ain't it?



    Lamont Sanford:
    41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.

  • Fred Sanford:
    My name's Fred Sanford. That's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.

  • Fred Sanford:
    Now she's got TB.



    Lamont Sanford:
    What?



    Fred Sanford:
    Terrific Body.

  • Melvin:
    Did you listen to your father?



    Fred Sanford:
    Every time he raised that strap, he had my complete attention.

  • Fred Sanford:
    Tell him in Puerto Rican - "Goat-o, get out of el house-o."

  • Lamont Sanford:
    When a person has three heart attacks, he's dead. You had fifteen.

  • Aunt Esther:
    Who you calling ugly, sucker?



    Fred Sanford:
    I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

  • Fred Sanford:
    On behalf of Elizabeth, would you care for something to eat?



    Aunt Esther:
    Oh I wouldn't mind a little snack.



    Fred Sanford:
    Son, go in the kitchen and fix your Aunt Esther a fish-head sandwich!

  • Fred Sanford:
    Listen, Esther. In the first place, you can't enter that contest because your not eligible. See one of the things you have to be is a part of a certain race.



    Woody Anderson:
    What race?



    Fred Sanford:
    Human!

  • Fred Sanford:
    Goodbye, dear



    Aunt Esther:
    Oh, you called me dear.



    Fred Sanford:
    Why shouldn't I call you DEER? You look like Bambi's father!

  • Fred Sanford:
    All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can have her face buried at sea!

  • Fred Sanford:
    For $500 dollars, I can turn Yewell Gibbons into a meatloaf freak!

  • Lamont Sanford:
    She's gonna be competing with her own peers.



    Fred Sanford:
    Her Peers?



    Lamont Sanford:
    Yes.



    Fred Sanford:
    You mean Godzilla is in the contest?

  • Aunt Esther:
    What's wrong with my posture?



    Fred Sanford:
    It's full of prune pits!

  • Fred Sanford:
    Polly-Esther - that's you. Half woman, half parrot!

  • Fred Sanford:
    Who is it?



    Aunt Esther:
    It's Esther!



    Fred Sanford:
    Esther who?



    Aunt Esther:
    You know Esther who! Open this door fool!



    Fred Sanford:
    I can't open the door!



    Aunt Esther:
    Why not?



    Fred Sanford:
    You too ugly!

    • Movie: "Sanford and Son" [1972] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5] | [6]
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  • Well we'd just seen Gerry. I think he wanted somebody who had that authority and was handsome. The thing is, he's a big hunk isn't he? All I can say, if you look at his chat line, or the Phantom website, it's quite worrying. Because the girls really seem to love him. (Andrew Lloyd Webber)


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  • I'm thinking, this is Robert Redford. You know, he's won an Academy Award, he's talking to me about directing a movie he's in. So you just think that it's Hollywood stuff or whatever (Barry Levinson)