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Quotes of Movie: "Perfect Strangers" [1986]

  • [Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Yours?



    Larry Appleton:
    Yes.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Yours... looks... just like mine.



    Larry Appleton:
    Yes.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?



    Larry Appleton:
    Dental records.

  • Larry Appleton:
    Was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Are you asking did - did I see *steam* rising from his head or did I see *you* rising from his head?



    Larry Appleton:
    I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Okay... Okay, are you asking was it *me* who saw steam rising from his head or was it *you* who saw steam rising from his head?



    Larry Appleton:
    I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    [pause] Yes. Now, I have one for you - Was it me... or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark sliding down her cheek?



    Larry Appleton:
    It was you. It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!

  • Larry Appleton:
    I have...



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Oh, God.



    Larry Appleton:
    ...a plan.

  • Larry Appleton:
    Oh, my lord...



    Mr. Wainwright:
    Appleton, you idiot!



    Larry Appleton:
    I just shot my boss in the butt.

  • [Larry is hanging from a hook on the wall]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Cousin, do it for me, please?



    Larry Appleton:
    No, no...



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Oh, please. Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way is it to the Emerald City?



    Larry Appleton:
    Some people go that way, and some people go that way...



    Balki Bartokomous:
    But, of course, people do go both ways.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    You may call it intuition, you may call it common sense, you may call the wind Mariah...

  • Mr. Gorpley:
    And then there was the Christmas where my house burned down and I had to go to the hospital. No, that was a good Christmas. I got to sleep in a real bed!

  • [Larry is installing a shower head]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Where are the instructions?



    Larry Appleton:
    I threw them out.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    You threw them out?



    Larry Appleton:
    Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?


    [Larry pauses for a second]



    Larry Appleton:
    [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    You said that you would not go overboard, and now look at you. You're scraping barnacles off the Titanic.

  • [repeated line]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Well, of course not, don't be ridi-cool-us.

  • Larry Appleton:
    Our goal for this evening is to acheive physical contact. Now how do we acheive physical contact?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Begging?



    Larry Appleton:
    Dancing.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    Momma told me never to do the dance of joy alone, or I would go blind.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    Your ship has finally hit the fan!

  • Larry Appleton:
    Take three steps east, please be meticulous.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Well of course we will, don't be ridiculous.

  • [after Larry confesses a lie to Jennifer, and mentions several other unrelated lies at the same time]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Boy, when you come clean you leave a ring around the tub!

  • Larry Appleton:
    I didn't lie. At most, I massaged the truth a little.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Massaged? You gave it a full body scrub and a mud bath!

  • [after Larry tells them they need to bake 2,000 "Bibby Bobkas" to sell to a restaurant]



    Jennifer Lyons Appleton:
    Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?


    [Larry stops to try to calculate it in his head]



    Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous:
    [without stopping to calculate it] 166 and 2/3 dozen.


    [everyone looks at her in confused amazement]



    Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous:
    [as if it explained everything perfectly] My father was a carpenter.

  • Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous:
    You know, having a ghost would explain so many things! Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on!



    Jennifer Lyons Appleton:
    No Maryanne, the light goes on because...


    [pauses for a moment, then decides to give up]



    Jennifer Lyons Appleton:
    Yes, Maryanne. Having a ghost would explain that.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    [trying to think of the most offensive thing he can] I hope you fall on your face with your hands in your pockets!

  • [Twinkacetti is staying with the guys after his wife threw him out]



    Donnie Twinkacetti:
    Hey, Appleton, I read your diary. You're a sick man.

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    Well, feed me garlic and call me stinky!

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    Hi, cousin! I just baked a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.



    Larry Appleton:
    ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    Bingo! Want a big bite, booby?



    Larry Appleton:
    Better not, buddy.



    Balki Bartokomous:
    ...bummer.



    Larry Appleton:
    Bitter, Balki?



    Balki Bartokomous:
    You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby! I busted my butt baking these itty bitty binkis, and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering!



    Larry Appleton:
    Balki, buddy, baby!

  • Balki Bartokomous:
    I wash my face of the whole business!

  • [after Larry and Balki lock themselves in a phone booth to call 911, a thug smashes the glass to the booth with his bare fist, then rips the handset of the phone, so they can't get help]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    ...well, now you've done it! You're going to have to answer to the


    [shouts]



    Balki Bartokomous:
    phone company!

    • Movie: "Perfect Strangers" [1986]
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