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Quotes of Movie: "Off Centre" [2001]

  • [Euan is talking to a doctor to get circumcised]



    Dr. Wasserman:
    Let me ask you, have you given any thought to the kind of cut you would like?



    Euan:
    Well uh, well no.



    Dr. Wasserman:
    Would you like to pick one out from "The Big Book Of Penises"?



    Euan:
    Uh, I suppose...



    Dr. Wasserman:
    Joking! Joking!



    Euan:
    Oh!



    Dr. Wasserman:
    There is no "Big Book Of Penises"! I mean, maybe there is one, but I certainly don't have it!

  • Euan:
    Water?



    Mike Platt:
    No, thanks. I have one.



    Euan:
    Oh, well I figured you might need a "backup". Just in case the other one runs out!

  • Dr. Wasserman:
    Ahh, reading about Mel Gibson, I see. He's circumcised.



    Euan:
    Really? It just says here that it rained a lot during the filming of "Braveheart".

  • [Chau is trying to organize a protest rally to bring back the recently cancelled T.V. show "The Education of Max Bickford."]



    Chau Presley:
    Check out my sign.


    [Holds up a sign that reads "We Don't Need No Education!"]



    Chau Presley:
    We don't need no education. Get it? *"Education"*, "The Education of Max Bickford".



    Euan:
    But it says we don't need it.



    Chau Presley:
    No it says "We *don't* need *no* education". It's a double negative, which means we *do* need it!



    Mike Platt:
    Chau, I'm not sure how to tell you this but, I think your sign's a little retarded!



    Chau Presley:
    Yeah, retarded. Like a fox!

  • Chau Presley:
    If you hurt that girl I will kill you, nurse you back to health, and then kill you again!

  • Mike Platt:
    [after Status' dog has farted, Mike is laughing] What? Gas is funny. And dog gas is like seven times as funny!

  • Euan:
    Oh my God! I just met Krisie Lee's boyfriend



    Chau Presley:
    Oh... was he a big guy? Oh! But with an ironic nick-name like "Tiny"!

  • [Mr. Dexter banging on the door, and yells for Euan]



    Euan:
    Oh God, what do I do?...


    [looks at Liz]



    Euan:
    Liz! Liz, Be my girlfriend!



    Liz Lombardi:
    What?



    Euan:
    Come on play along! You're fantasy's finally coming true!


    [looks at Chau and Mike]



    Euan:
    And you two...



    Chau Presley:
    Uhhh... we're you're GAY friends!

  • Euan:
    [opens the door to greet Mr. Dexter] Oh Mr. Dexter! How wonderful to see you! This is my girlfriend Liz, we're in a committed relationship totally monogomas!



    Liz Lombardi:
    Yep I'm his girlfriend!



    Euan:
    Yeah give some sugar baby!



    Liz Lombardi:
    Oh!


    [Euan kisses her]



    Mike Platt:
    Hey!


    [goes to stop them from kissing... ]



    Chau Presley:
    [pulls Mike back to him... ] Oh don't worry Chau's got some sugar for you too!


    [kisses Mike]



    Mike Platt:
    [Mike mortified... pushes Chau away and runs for the door... stops... pauses... looks back at Chau and points at him... ] You just slipped me the toungue...



    Chau Presley:
    [pulls Mike back] Dude they were kissing, so we had to kiss... Great you blew Euans whole scam!

  • Jordan:
    Euan's uncircumsized, isn't that gross?



    Nathan 'Status Quo':
    It's certainly gross to talk about it.

  • Euan:
    [Mike is trying to change his image] Wait a minute, where are the clothes we bought you? I thought you were changing your image, you look exactly the same.



    Mike Platt:
    [Slightly slurred] I don't think so.


    [Sticks out his tongue to reveal a tongue-piercing]



    Euan:
    You pierced your tongue?



    Mike Platt:
    Yeah, no dit Derlock!



    Liz Lombardi:
    Yeah, that reminds me. I've gotta go, I've got a date tonight.



    Euan:
    Hang on, Mike's tongue-ring reminds you that you have a date tonight?



    Liz Lombardi:
    Yeah. *He's* got a stud in his mouth...

  • [repeated line]



    Chau Presley:
    You know!

  • Chau Presley:
    Euan, can I crash here tonight? My house is infested with ants.



    Euan:
    Why don't you just spray them?



    Chau Presley:
    I would, but my uncles would get really mad. You know!


    [laughs]



    Chau Presley:
    But seriously, I hate them.

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