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Quotes of Movie: "Never the Twain" [1981]
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David Peel: Dad, aren't you being a bit juvenile? Simon Peel: Certainly not. It's a privilege of middle age. Only children aren't allowed to be juvenile. David Peel: He'd probably play his violin with the window open Simon Peel: Oh, no, Lucifer cured him of that, didn't you Lucifer. Jumped in and lept on him. Thought it was a mating call. Yesterday he had his radio blaring in the garden. Well, I didn't lose my temper, no, no, I just telephoned him a little later on and politely asked him not to do it again. David Peel: Yes, at 4 o'clock in the morning. Simon Peel: He hardly needed a phone, you could hear him swearing from here. [shutting the French windows to keep out the bonfire smoke] I'll wait till the Test Match and run my old motor mower. Completely ruins his television picture. Lyn Smallbridge: Mmmm. The subtle approach. | |
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Whose side are you on? Lyn Smallbridge: The side of reason, sanity... Oliver Smallbridge: Oh, I see, my own daughter is against me now. Lyn Smallbridge: Oh, I'm against him too. Mr Peel is as barmy as you are. Oliver Smallbridge: Now, look here, Lyn. Lyn Smallbridge: I'm sorry, I take it back. Mr Peel is not as barmy as you are. Lyn Smallbridge: Is it about that tree you chopped down? Oliver Smallbridge: A lot of fuss about nothing. He never used that greenhouse anyway. David Peel: You've got such a lot in common. Same line of business, about the same age. Simon Peel: He's a bombastic windbag. David Peel: Well, there's that, too. There's a great deal of difference between antiques and junk. David Peel: Yes, it depends whether you're buying or selling. One day, I hope you'll be keeping my account books. David Peel: Which set? I'm not rushing you girl. It's just I want you to have what your dear mum had, God rest her. A strong, reliable, sensitive man to look after her. Lyn Smallbridge: You never told me about him. Oliver Smallbridge: I *was* refering to myself. [On his future grandchild] I can see him out there in the garden, happy, childish laughter. Shouting. Screaming. Kicking balls over his fence. Well, drive that Peel fellow raving mad, you know. Simon Peel: [examining the blunderbuss] Uhm. Lot 27. Not really suitable for your shop, you know. That's genuine. Oliver Smallbridge: Well, well, Peel. Fancy meeting you here, and me with an unloaded gun. [Oliver puts the blunderbus down] Simon Peel: I didn't expect to see you here. There's no sign of your horse and cart outside. [pointing to the sale list] I'll tell you what. There's something that'll interest you, boy. Stuffed Moose, Stuffed Boar, go nicely with your shirt. [walking towards an open chest and picking up an African Tribal mask] This would suit you perfectly. Every home should have one - a family portrait. [Simon hands the mask to Oliver and walks away, just as the auctioneer appears] Auctioneer: [Indicating the mask] I'll let you have that cheap, governor, fiver, on account it's *supposed* to have a curse on it. Oliver Smallbridge: Curse? Can you deliver it? Auctioneer: Certainly. Oliver Smallbridge: [Handing the mask to the Auctioneer] Done - to Simon Peel. Lot 12, A Chinese vase. Simon Peel: [looks around] 30 pounds. Oliver Smallbridge: 40. Simon Peel: 50. Oliver Smallbridge: 60. Simon Peel: You're wasting your time, you know. Its a fake. [Simon turns towards the Auctioneer] Simon Peel: 70. Oliver Smallbridge: 80. Simon Peel: 90. Oliver Smallbridge: 100. Auctioneer: 100. Simon Peel: You're just trying to be difficult. 150. Oliver Smallbridge: 200 pounds. Auctioneer: 200 pounds I'm bid now. Any advance on 200? Going for 200. [bangs gavel] Auctioneer: Gone. Sold, Smallbridge. Give it to him. Oliver Smallbridge: [taking the vase in his hands] Don't feel too badly about it, Peel. You can't win em all. Simon Peel: No, but you can win some of them. [Simon points to the vase] Simon Peel: You know, considering that it *is* a fake, I didn't think I'd get such a good price for it. Daddy, are you in a good mood? Oliver Smallbridge: Never better. Somebody unloaded a skip outside Peel's shop. Blocked his car in - He had to come home by bus. Cost me a tenner, but well worth it. You're too young to have boyfriends Lyn Smallbridge: Well, how am I supposed to provide all these grandchildren, from a mail order catalogue? It's just that it seems like only yesterday that I was taking you on my knee and telling you about the birds and the bees. David Peel: It *was* yesterday - it was very embarrassing. Oliver Smallbridge: Tell that boy of yours to stop it at once. Simon Peel: [looks towards David] Eating peanuts? Oliver Smallbridge: Mucking around with my girl. Simon Peel: Now, look here Smallbridge [David moves away from the sofa and out of shot] Simon Peel: I hardly think you're in a pos... now, just a minute. Your daughter and my... [looks up, to find David has left the room] Simon Peel: David. Oliver Smallbridge: They want to get married. Simon Peel: Married? Oliver Smallbridge: If we don't put a stop to it, we'll be related. Simon Peel: Oh my god, they'll have children, they'll look like you. Oliver Smallbridge: There's nothing else for it, we'll have to meet. Simon Peel: Yes, I suppose, well, you'd better come round here. Oliver Smallbridge: Not likely. You'll set that cat on me. You come round here under a flag of truce. Simon Peel: That's what you said last time. You ambushed me with a lawn sprinkler. David Peel: Are you sure it's safe? Is that great hulking monster about? Lyn Smallbridge: No, he's gone next door to see your father. We'd better try to be civilised about this. It's an emergency, and there's no point in trying to score childish points off each other. [Lays a sheet of newspaper on a nearby chair] Simon Peel: Do sit down. Oliver Smallbridge: [sits on the newspaper, and looks around] Not a bad bit of furniture. If you're thinking of selling, I'd give you a balloon for it. Simon Peel: I did'nt know you were interested in antiques. [Moves to the drinks cabinet] Simon Peel: We must try to keep this as painless as possible. Scotch? Oliver Smallbridge: Well, I won't say no - providing you taste it first. We've got to tackle this problem with a bit of sublety - why don't you move to Australia? Simon Peel: I wouldn't get a good price for the house, not when people saw the neighbours. You could try dropping a few hints to your daughter - it's a fun life as a modern day nun. Oliver Smallbridge: What about your son? Simon Peel: He's too tall to be a nun. I notice you don't mind being called a crook. Oliver Smallbridge: Well, I've never denied being an antique dealer. The only difference between me and you is you cock your little finger every time you pick their pockets. Simon Peel: I run an honest business. Oliver Smallbridge: What? You'll be telling me you pay V.A.T. next. Simon Peel: I said honest, not simple minded. I started at the bottom, you need brains there. Simon Peel: Well, your brains are in your bottom. | |
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