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Quotes of Movie: "Monk" [2002]

  • [repeated line]



    Adrian Monk:
    It's a gift... and a curse.

  • Capt. Stottlemeyer:
    Does everything have to make sense, Monk?



    Adrian Monk:
    It kinda does.

  • [repeated line]



    Adrian Monk:
    Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not...

  • [repeated line]



    Adrian Monk:
    You'll thank me later.

  • [repeated line]



    Adrian Monk:
    Wipe.

  • Capt. Stottlemeyer:
    [to the commisioner] So, you're going to let a murderer off, because you're afraid to admit YOU'RE BALD?

  • Adrian Monk:
    [about being a cop] I couldn't change the world, I knew that. But I could fix little pieces of it.

  • Adrian Monk:
    [Monk is talking about Sharona, after she thinks that she is having hallucinations] She's not crazy!

  • [Monk is attempting to stop a robbery by pointing a gun at Lester]



    Lester Highsmith:
    Is that a water pistol?



    Adrian Monk:
    No!


    [barrel is dripping]



    Adrian Monk:
    Maybe... it's scalding! Scalding hot water!

  • Adrian Monk:
    A stop sign is not a suggestion!



    Sharona Fleming:
    Yes it is!

  • Sharona Fleming:
    [to Benji] ... and you tell her to call Adrian. He'll know what to do... after I tell him.

  • Disher:
    You know, some people think I'm dangerous.



    Sharona Fleming:
    Yeah, people driving behind you.

  • Adrian Monk:
    I haven't needed a babysitter since I was nineteen.



    Sharona Fleming:
    You needed a babysitter when you were nineteen?



    Adrian Monk:
    Everyone did. It was the late Seventies. It was a crazy time.

  • Adrian Monk:
    Tell me about the Lobster Barrel.



    Joe Christie:
    It's a family place. It's noisy, there's a million kids. You wouldn't last five minutes. It's got a great all-you-can-eat buffet with seven different kinds of shrimp: jumbo shrimp, batter-dipped shrimp, tempura shrimp...



    Adrian Monk:
    Okay, stop telling me about the Lobster Barrel.



    Joe Christie:
    ...barbecued shrimp...



    Adrian Monk:
    Stop.

  • Adrian Monk:
    You recently started dating again.



    Natalie:
    How did you know that?



    Adrian Monk:
    [holds them up] Birth control pills.


    [Natalie's young daughter is staring at them]



    Natalie:
    [horrified] What's wrong with you?



    Adrian Monk:
    My mistake. These are Tic-Tacs.

  • Natalie Teeger:
    [walking through a Museum exhibit on "The Miracle of Birth"] Come on, Adrian, it's just like a fun house.



    Adrian Monk:
    What's so fun about fallopian tubes?

  • Adrian Monk:
    I don't even know this woman.

  • Housekeeper:
    What would my hours be?



    Adrian Monk:
    9 am.



    Housekeeper:
    Until?



    Adrian Monk:
    Until one.



    Housekeeper:
    Until 1 pm?



    Adrian Monk:
    Until one of us dies.

  • Adrian Monk:
    She's been buying ice all day. That makes sixteen bags she's carried in so far.



    Natalie:
    Maybe she's having a party.



    Adrian Monk:
    No food, no beer, no chips. Just ice.



    Capt. Stottlemeyer:
    Maybe she's having an Adrian Monk party.

  • Adrian Monk:
    Captain, I'm one-hundred percent sure that she probably killed him.



    Capt. Stottlemeyer:
    What does that mean?


    [pause]



    Adrian Monk:
    Ninety-five percent.

  • Adrian Monk:
    There's an old saying: "Don't change anything... ever."



    Natalie Teeger:
    That's an old saying?



    Adrian Monk:
    I've been saying it for years.

  • Adrian Monk:
    What are you doing?



    Natalie:
    Pokin' around.



    Adrian Monk:
    You can't *do* that!



    Natalie:
    I can do anything I want. I'm cute.

  • [In a squad car, chasing a suspect]



    Adrian Monk:
    Is your seatbelt on?



    Sgt. Parnell:
    Yes, it is.



    Adrian Monk:
    Nice and tight? Blinkers! Blinkers!



    Sgt. Parnell:
    Do you understand this is a car chase?



    Adrian Monk:
    Left lane ends, two miles! Left lane ends, two miles!

  • Adrian Monk:
    I mean, he could do alot worse than me for a father. What if he were adopted by... wolves?

  • Adrian Monk:
    [after accidentally touching the ground] Nature! I've got Nature on my hand! Get it off!

  • Movie: "Monk" [2002]

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