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Quotes of Movie: "Maude" [1972]

  • Maude Findlay:
    When he says wife, he means possession.



    Walter Findlay:
    So what, Maude? You told me a hundred times you want to be possessed.



    Maude Findlay:
    Walter Findlay, I never said that standing up and you know it.

  • [During Florida's interview for the maid job]



    Florida Evans:
    Now, the first week'll be on a trial basis.



    Maude Findlay:
    Oh, Florida, don't be ridiculous, you're not on trial.



    Florida Evans:
    I know - you are.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Florida, if we wanted Geraldine we'd get Flip Wilson.

  • Dr. Arthur Harmon:
    No offense Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.



    Maude Findlay:
    No offense Arthur, but that's the only way you'd EVER touch me.

  • Dr. Arthur Harmon:
    [Looking at Maude's black eye] If the "Our Gang" comedies ever come back, you could be the dog.



    Maude Findlay:
    And if Mister Ed ever comes back, there'd be a part for you. I'm not talking about the part that talks.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Walter, if you lay one hand on that kid then all your friends will be dressed in black and driving with their lights on.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Walter, if you don't want my daughter and my only grandchild living here with us just tell me.



    Walter Findlay:
    And...?



    Maude Findlay:
    And I'll rip your heart out.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Francie, this is Florida. My dear, dear friend, probably the best friend I have in the whole world.



    Florida Evans:
    I'm the maid.

  • Francie Potter:
    Hey, Fat Mama, whatcha gonna do wit' my bags?



    Florida Evans:
    You call me 'fat mama' again and I'll show you what I'm gonna do with them.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Well, well, well, you two are having a real old fashion bull session?



    Florida Evans:
    Yeah, alotta bull but not much session.

  • Maude Findlay:
    [about stuffed dog] How do you like our little puppy? It's been in the family for years.



    Francie Potter:
    Then you should take the price tag off.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Let me guess, you're...



    Francie Potter:
    Little Black Riding Hood.

  • Walter Findlay:
    People communicate only when they are being themselves. One does not get through to someone by being something other than what one is.



    Maude Findlay:
    That's a lovely speech, Walter, very lovely. Remind me when we have time, to record it on tape so I can accidentally erase it.

  • Florida Evans:
    (on Maude's new facelift)You may be looking at a brand new face, but you'll still be hearing the same old mouth.

  • Maude Findlay:
    [repeated line] God'll getcha for that.

  • Walter Findlay:
    I finally got him to stop.



    Maude Findlay:
    Gently, I hope.



    Walter Findlay:
    Of course. I told him to shut the hell up.

  • Salesman:
    I'm hoping to get excepted in one of the big eastern universities.



    Maude Findlay:
    Well before you think about college, you should learn to read. That sign says 'No Solicitors'.

  • Maude Findlay:
    [drunk] You really want to know? "Who is Mrs. Dubonay?" You ask? Well I have a better question, Arthur Harmon, who is you? Who is any of us?


    [breaking into song]



    Maude Findlay:
    "Whooooooooooo is Syyyyylvia...”

  • [after Walter has a heart attack, he pretends that he is feeble so Maude will feel sorry for him. He attempts to do some knitting]



    Vivian Harmon:
    Arthur, what about S-E-X?"



    Maude Findlay:
    SEX? Vivian, he can hardly K-N-I-T.

  • Maude Findlay:
    Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Dubonay is a visitor from a far-off land. She is a proud native of a newly emerging black nation.



    Florida Evans:
    Yeah, Harlem.

  • Walter Findlay:
    Maude. Sit.

  • Maude Findlay:
    I want you to consider this your home.



    Florida Evans:
    I got a home.



    Maude Findlay:
    You can say that again.

  • Walter Findlay:
    Maude's as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers.



    Carol Trainor:
    That doesn't sound like you, Walter.



    Walter Findlay:
    I heard that on Hee Haw.

  • Maude Findlay:
    I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers. Don't look at me, I heard it on The Dean Martin Show.

  • Carol Trainor:
    She's as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers. What? I just thought it was my turn.



    Arthur Harmon:
    That's a good joke. I heard it on Sonny and Cher.

    • Movie: "Maude" [1972]
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