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Quotes of Movie: "Mary Tyler Moore" [1970]
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Mary, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you're a jerk. Mary Richards: How could I possibly take that wrong? [attributed] A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. I'm an experienced woman. I've been around... Well, all right, I might not've been around, but I've been... nearby. I was lying in bed last night and I couldn't sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down. | |
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Ted Baxter: I've just been handed a bulletin: "You have something on your front tooth!" Folks, I've just received a special news bulletin: "You have something on your front tooth." I always like to think that our little newsroom was one big happy family. In my innocence, little did I suspect we'd be harboring a backstabber in our very bosom. I'm going to reveal the name of that person. The backstabber is ... Murray Slaughter: Isn't this were the lights go off and Ted is found dead on the floor? Rule number one: never hire friends. I hired a friend once and you know what happened? Worked out great. But that's me. You couldn't handle it. I did a report on unemployment. It's at an all-time high. Or was it low? Murray Slaughter: HIGH, Ted. Ted Baxter: Hi, Murr! I just thought I'd see what you swingin' singles do for fun. Rhoda Morgenstern: Same as you - sit around and wonder what it would be like to have a happy marriage. You want a raise, is that it? Ted Baxter: Lou, I've written a figure on this pad. Lou Grant: Ted, I've written two words on this pad. Ted Baxter: Lou, I thing there's some room for negotiation between that figure and those words. Put it on an idiot card for Ted. Ted Baxter: Cue cards, Lou. I don't know why everyone insists on calling cue cards idiot cards. Murray Slaughter: We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue. Say, Murray, I just read this item I think we should use. It's about a man who went on TV to make a plea to send Turkeys to convicts. Murray Slaughter: For pets or for dinner? Ted Baxter: I don't know! I think it was in "Ar-Kansas." Murray Slaughter: Yeah, I think they're doing the same thing in Arkansas too. Ted Baxter: How do you like that! It's spreading from state to state! It's a magnifying mirror! Mary, why didn't you warn me? I thought it was a relief map of the moon. When they sell those magnifying mirrors they should include a printed suicide note. Well it's hard for me to say no. Ted Baxter: Say, Mary ... Mary Richards: NO! It's actually tomorrow in Tokyo. Do you realize that there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead in Tokyo? Can you imagine the insurance claim? Cause of death: a busted goober. Mr. Grant? Could I say what I wanted to say now? Please? Lou Grant: Okay, Mary. Mary Richards: Well I just wanted to let you know that sometimes I get concerned about being a career woman. I get to thinking that my job is too important to me. And I tell myself that the people I work with are just the people I work with. But last night I thought what is family anyway? It's the people who make you feel less alone and really loved. [she sobs] Mary Richards: And that's what you've done for me. Thank you for beginning MY family. If it weren't for the rotten things that happen in this world we couldn't put on the news show. We should be grateful to all the people who do those rotten things. We should stop them in the streets and say, "Thank you Mr. Mugger, thank you Mr. Thief, thank you Mr. Maniac." Ted Baxter: I dreamt I was an old man, all wrinkled and shriveled, sitting alone on this park bench, and then this-this guy walked up to me, and he looked kind of familiar, and he just stood there, looking at me. And I said, "Who are you?" And he said, "I'm the son you never had." And then-then this woman appeared, and I said, "Who are you?", and she said, "I'm the daughter you never had." And then-then about twenty kids appeared, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "we're the children of the children you never had." Then a bunch of dogs and cats appeared, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "We're the pets of the children of the children you never had." And then a bunch of guys in white coats came up, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "We're the Veterinarians of the pets of the children of the children you never had." And then, and then... Lou Grant: Ted, just-just skip to the finish of the dream. Tell us how it ended. Ted Baxter: Oh like all my dreams end, with Marlon Thomas and Winston Churchill applauding me. Rhoda Morgenstern: I don't know why I should even bother to eat this. I should just apply it directly to my hips. Oh Rhoda, chocolate doesn't solve anything. Rhoda Morgenstern: No Mare, cottage cheese solves nothing; chocolate can do it all! Well, what's the cut-off point Mr. Grant? I mean, is... is there some number? You know, I'd really like to know. How many men is a woman allowed to have before she becomes *that* sort of woman? Lou Grant: Six. Lou Grant: Does this game go on forever or does it have an end? Mary Richards: It ends when a person can't think of a word. Lou Grant: Oh, I'll start. (Lou turns to Ted Baxter.) Box! (Ted cannot think of a word and says nothing.) Game's over. Murray Slaughter: Ted, do you have that fifty cents I loaned you last week? Ted Baxter: Sure, Murray. [Looks in his wallet] Ted Baxter: Darn, do you have change for a $500? Murray Slaughter: Sure, Ted [pulls a money bag from under his desk] Ted Baxter: [stunned] Quarters? Murray Slaughter: [smiling gleefully] Nickels! | |
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