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Quotes of Movie: "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" [1974]
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BSM Williams: Oh dear. How sad. Never mind. BSM Williams: SHUT UP! [singing] Land of hope and glory, mother of the free.... BSM Williams: [yells] Shut up! [program ends] Never before have I seen such a blatant display of poofery! | |
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[on a crashing plane] Solly, what's happening? Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons: I don't know, but if you can remember any hymns, sing 'em! Gunner: Solly, the only hymn I can remember, is "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam"! Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons: And at the rate we're going, he's gonna get you! [they are ordered to fight and defy the Sun] But the Sun isn't an anatomical entity, it's an inanimate object. How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major? BSM Williams: [mocking] How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major? Let me tell you, Gunner La-De-Dah Graham, the British Army can fight anything! Intimate or not! I always thought concubines were those little animals, with spikes on their backs. Gunner Beaumont: They're *porcupines*. Who's Major Waddilove-Evans? Colonel Reynolds: Eh? Oh, just the husband of the lady who happened to be on leave in the hills as the same time as me. [coughs] Captain Ashwood: Jolly good show. Colonel Reynolds: Yes, it was. I shall put in telegram: "All postings cancelled. Whole area covered with Bubonic plague, and put into gelatine." Gunner Graham: *Quarantine*. Rangi Ram: Oh! Saab righty, Rangi wrongy. Gunner 'Nobby' Clark: Rangi, gelatine's the thing they cut your head off with. Gunner Beaumont: That's a guillotine, you berk! Lofty! What happened? Lofty: I got captured by tribesmen. Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons: Blimey! Did they give you a hard time? Lofty: No, they gave me a carpet! Rangi Ram: Don't be such clever dickie! [there is a snake loose in the camp] Why don't we buy a mongoose to frighten it away? Gunner 'Nobby' Clark: I didn't know snakes were afraid of geese. My Dad thinks I'm good-looking. Gunner 'Atlas' Mackintosh: Drinks a lot, does he? Right lovely boys, let's have a look. Oehhhhh, very good. Very artistic. Wait a minute. Gunner Graham? Gnr Graham: Sir. BSM Williams: Come here. Gnr Graham: Sergeant-major. BSM Williams: University education. Gnr Graham: Yes, yes that's quite right Sergeant-major. BSM Williams: How do you spell artillery? Gnr Graham: A-R-T-I-L-L-E-R-Y BSM Williams: No no. You spell it A-R-T art, I-L-L ill, A-R-Y ary. It's not artillery, it's artillary, artillary! I've been in this regiment 22 years, and I oughta know. Gnr Graham: Probably you haven't seen it very often Sergeant-major, it's usually only the initials AR. BSM Williams: You trying to make out I don't know how to spell it? Gnr Graham: No I... BSM Williams: SHUT UP! I didn't send the Bearer Sir, I thought it was far too important to trust a native. Colonel Reynolds: Who did you send? BSM Williams: Gunner Sugden Sir. Colonel Reynolds: That small one with the very high voice? BSM Williams: That's right Sir, and the very low head! There is an old Hindu proverb which says:... Gunner Sugden is next sir. I don't think he will be here very long. BSM Williams: March! Left right, left right, left right, left right, move yourself move yourself, move yourself! Salut! BSM Williams: Now, the colonel and the captain would ask you questions to see if you're suitable as a bombarbier. Is that clear? Lofty: Yes Sergeant-Major. Captain Ashwood: Now then sugden, you're on patrol with an officer and 10 man. You see 3 Japanese soldiers entering a thicket. When do you open fire? Lofty: How thick is the thicket? BSM Williams: The thickness of the thicket has nothing to do with it, answer the question! Lofty: What are they going in the thicket for? Colonel Reynolds: Good question. What are they going in the thicket for Ashwood? Captain Ashwood: It doesn't say sir. I think they're just passing through. Colonel Reynolds: I see, when do you open fire Sugden? Lofty: Before they entering the thicket? BSM Williams, Colonel Reynolds, Captain Ashwood: No. Lofty: When they're in the thicket? BSM Williams, Colonel Reynolds, Captain Ashwood: No. Lofty: When they come out of the thicket? BSM Williams, Colonel Reynolds, Captain Ashwood: No. Lofty: I failed, haven't I? BSM Williams, Colonel Reynolds, Captain Ashwood: Yes. BSM Williams: Move yerselves, move yerselves! BSM Williams: Mister la-de-da Gunner Graham. I shan't forget this, Gunner... Gunner... Lofty: Sugden, sir. Colonel Reynolds: That's right. [the Sergeant-Major has been cursed by a fake holy man, so "Gloria" pretends to be a holy man and take the curse off] OK, Sergeant-Major, you just have to repeat what the holy man says. Gunner Beaumont: Oh-waaaaaa! BSM Williams: Oh-wa. Gunner Beaumont: Ta-naaaaaaaaaaa! BSM Williams: Ta-na. Gunner Beaumont: Si-aaaaaam! BSM Williams: Siam. Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons: You have to repeat it. BSM Williams: Oh-wa. Ta-na? Siam. Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons: Go a little faster, Sergeant-Major. BSM Williams: Oh-wa. Ta-na. Siam. Ohwa. Tana. Siam. Ohwa-tana-siam. Ohwatanasiam. Oh-what-an-ass-I-am. Captain Ashwood: Oh, dear, I am a fool, aren't I? [opening song] Meet the gang / 'cos the boys are here / the boys to entertain you / with music and laughter / to help you on your way / to raising the rafters / with a hey, hey, hey / with songs, sketches, and jokes old and new / with us about / you won't feel blue / so meet the gang / 'cos the boys are here / the boys to entertain you / B, O, B O Y S / boys to entertain you! [the Sgt-Major has managed to annoy a fortune teller] Oh, Sergeant-Major, he is cursing you. He say all your teeth fall out. BSM Williams: Oh, dear, how sad, too late. | |
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