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Quotes of Movie: "Hercules" [1998]

  • [Upon finding out his Roman name]



    Hades:
    They named me "Pluto"? What kind of a name is "Pluto"? I wouldn't call my dog "Pluto".

  • Arachne:
    I prefer to be called a "freelance web designer."

  • Hades:
    Have your minions call my minions.

  • Hades:
    Welcome to the Afterlife, the Unhappiest Place under Earth.

  • Nemesis:
    You're so stupid, you think a minotaur is a short trip.

  • Parenthesis:
    For generations we've used the oracular reading of oxen guts to predict our student's careers, or lack thereof.



    Hercules:
    Eeeyugh. Couldn't you use some sort of aptitude test instead?



    Parenthesis:
    We tried that. The oxen guts were more accurate by 72%.

  • Poseidon:
    Say, brother, did I ever tell you about when I invented the marine mammal?



    Hades:
    Uh, yeah, Poseidon, about a zillion times...



    Poseidon:
    'Course, the first few drowned. You know, mammals. Then it hit me: blowhole.

  • Zeus:
    Chill out, Hades.


    [Blows out Hades' hair]



    Zeus:
    Look at that. I should make a wish.



    Hades: Lord of the Underworld:
    How about a death wish?

  • Hades: Lord of the Underworld:
    Everybody's happy. Well, I'm happy. Everyone else is wracked with pain. Nice.

  • Hades:
    I know you're out there, I can hear you rotting.

  • Hades:
    My business is dead people. If I have no dead people, my business is dead, people.

  • Zeus:
    Oh, Hades. I was just looking for the Little Gods' Room.



    Hades:
    Go in the pool.



    Zeus:
    Is that sanitary?

  • Hades:
    Why. Do they do that? What is that, some kind of verbal diarrhea?

  • Hades:
    Oh, look, a flower. Nature's little reminder... that I LOATHE spring.

  • Hades:
    Hi, kids! Name's Hades and I'm your new principal. I'll be instituting a new educational paradigm based on the three Rs: revenge, requital, and retribution. You'll love it. And get this. There is no homework.


    [Students cheer]



    Hades:
    Because you don't get to go home.

  • [Pain and Panic have to stop Icarus from kissing Cassandra]



    Pain:
    He's going to kiss somebody? I have to get out more. I could do okay.

  • Hades:
    C'mon, I haven't got all day. What am I talking about? I have eternity; I just don't want to spend it with you two.

  • Icarus:
    Herc, you need a guy who's in the know, someone who can plug you to the epicenter of the chic Greek elite.



    Hercules:
    Gee, that'd be great!



    Icarus:
    Yeah, wouldn't it? I'm not that guy.

  • Ares:
    Remember: make war, not love.

  • [the Argonauts are greeted by nymphs who invite them to stay in their island forever]



    Jason of the Argonauts:
    Well, it's obvious what's happening here. These nymphs are trying to keep us from our quest.



    Bootes:
    No, that's just a bonus.

  • [Jason has found the Golden Fleece and is rubbing in on his hair]



    Jason of the Argonauts:
    How's my hair? Black as pitch?



    Hercules:
    Ah, no. Sorry.



    Jason of the Argonauts:
    Oh well. I hear some fellow Grecians are working on a formula for that, anyway.

  • Hercules:
    Zeusapalooza? This is not dad's style at all.



    Cassandra:
    This isn't anyone's style.



    Icarus:
    Woo! Bring on the big Z, baby!

  • Zeus:
    [about to smite Salmoneus] Blasphemous infidel on the side pocket.

  • Tiresias:
    I used to have vast knowledge. Now they pin my room number on me.

  • Icarus:
    Yes, my friends, there's a lot to be learned from our elders. For example, if I had listened to Daedalus and not flown into the sun with wax wings...



    Cassandra:
    ...You wouldn't be famous for doing something stupidly reckless.



    Icarus:
    Oh, man! I was this close to wisdom! This close!

  • Movie: "Hercules" [1998]

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