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Quotes of Movie: "Half & Half" [2002]
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Maybe you'll find yourself a man this year. Mona Thorne: But Ma, I'm surrounded by men all the time: Orville Redenbacher, Captain Crunch, Dr. Pepper... Hey, you always wanted me to end up with a doctor. Phyllis Thorne: Just when I think you've hit rock bottom, you start digging a tunnel. Did Morgan Freeman finally answer your letters? Phyllis Thorne: No, but his lawyers did. I guess my last love poem was a little raw. [chanting] Chaos cannot enter the place wherein the Serenity Candle burns... Big Dee Dee Thorne: [storming through the door] I've left your father! Dee Dee Thorne: Well's there 30 bucks down the toilet. [blows out candle] [during construction in Dee Dee's apartment] I don't want to see anything else in this apartment that has to be repaired with a bucket of spackle and a putty knife! [suddenly noticing Phyllis] Big Dee Dee Thorne: Too late. Phyllis is here. Come to see what pricey porcelain looks like? Phyllis Thorne: I've already seen your teeth. | |
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[speaking to Spencer] Can you move? I'm afraid the scent of desperation will draw flies. It's a well known fact: To keep a man, you have to feed a man. Here, I'll prove it to you. Hey, Tina, what the fastest way to a man's heart? Tina: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Give me something hard next time. We're going to have many happy years together. Mona Thorne: Yeah, you and Daddy are quite the pair. Big Dee Dee Thorne: I was talking about my credit card. Oh, what a day! I've never had to dry so many tears. Big Dee Dee Thorne: You poor dear. Were you trying on bathing suits again? Well, since no one has offered to buy me a drink, I guess I'll buy my own. Now I know how Phyllis feels. [while attempting to find a weekend date] Excuse me. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? [woman promptly leaves] Tina: Hard to believe you beat out 100 million other sperm. [eyeing Phyllis as Mona throws her out of her apartment] Phyllis... Phyllis Thorne: Big Dee Dee... Big Dee Dee Thorne: What a pleasant surprise. You here everyday living through your daughter. Phyllis Thorne: For your information, I am here to give my daughter some advice. Big Dee Dee Thorne: Well, I'm giving mine the new Armani Fall Collection, but advice is good, too. Phyllis Thorne: [noticing Big Dee Dee's Pomeranian] I see you brought your lunch. Big Dee Dee Thorne: Thinking of food, as usual. This is my baby Coco. [kisses Coco's head] Phyllis Thorne: I see the resemblance. I'm more of a cat person myself. Big Dee Dee Thorne: I figured. I didn't think all that hair on your clothes came from a man. [after Dee Dee's new jacuzzi leaks into Mona's apartment and floods it] Oh, my. Is that mildew I smell or Phyllis's wet hair? Phyllis Thorne: If you don't want me to use that cheap wig as a mop, I suggest you shut your trap. [after bumping into Phyliis holding an object in the hallway] Phyllis, what is that monstrosity? And I don't mean that riot of polyester and lint you call an outfit. Phyllis Thorne: It's a cuckoo clock. I got it for Mona at a garage sale. Big Dee Dee Thorne: In other words, JUNK. Phyllis Thorne: *You* found a home, why shouldn't it? Big Dee Dee Thorne: So basically, trash is the best you can do for your daughter? I just bought Dee Dee a state-of-the-art pager/digital camera/doesn't this make your gift pathetic/why do you even bother getting up in the morning? | |
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