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Quotes of Movie: "Get Smart" [1965]
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Max, that knife missed you by inches. Maxwell Smart: You think it's some kind of warning? You're not taking me on this assignment, are you, Max? Maxwell Smart: No, I'm not. Agent 99: But, Max, this is the biggest case that's ever been given to Control, it could mean the end of the world. Maxwell Smart: If it's going to mean the end of the world, I want to make sure that you're all right. I'm sure Congress will reconsider our budget cut. Agent 99: Well, why doesn't Congress cut the CIA's budget? Maxwell Smart: How can they? Nobody knows what their budget is. Look, I'm a sportsman. I'll let you choose the way you want to die. Maxwell Smart: All right, how about old age? | |
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There are no holidays in the fight against evil. I'm getting complaints from the landlord about the gun battles in the hall, and the bombs in the lobby, and the knife fights in the elevator. Chief: Well, when you rent an apartment to a secret agent, you've got to expect those things. Maxwell Smart: But he doesn't know I'm a secret agent. Chief: Well, how do you explain people attacking you and shooting at you? Maxwell Smart: Well, I told him I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue. Max, this will undoubtedly be the most dangerous mission you've ever gone on. You probably won't get back alive. Maxwell Smart: If you're trying to scare me, Chief, you're wasting your time. I don't know the meaning of the word fear. Chief: You'll parachute from six thousand feet. Maxwell Smart: I think I just learned it. I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost twenty minutes. Chief: I know, 86. The traffic. Maxwell Smart: No, the seat belt. I can never get that darn thing unbuckled. Max, I don't know what I'm going to do about you. You bungle assignment after assignment. Maxwell Smart: I resent that, Chief. Chief: Do you deny it? Maxwell Smart: No, but I resent it. Mr. Smart, how many arrests did Control make last year? Maxwell Smart: I don't know. Senator: Who's the number one man in your organization? Maxwell Smart: I don't know. Senator: How many cases were assigned to Control last year? Maxwell Smart: I don't know. Senator: What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart? Maxwell Smart: They can't fire me. I know too much. Sometime I wish you were just an ordinary businessman. Maxwell Smart: Well, 99, we are what we are. I'm a secret agent, trained to be cold, vicious, and savage. Not enough to be a businessman. Oh, Max, how terrible. Maxwell Smart: He desereved it, 99. He was a Kaos killer. Agent 99: Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max. Maxwell Smart: What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world. Oh Max, you're so brave. You're going to get a medal for this. Maxwell Smart: There's something more important than medals, 99. Agent 99: What? Maxwell Smart: It's after six. I get overtime. Listen, 99, did you find out anything about that restaurant that sold me the poison coffee? Agent 99: Yes, Max. It was a Kaos front. They stayed in business almost a year just to get the Professor. Then they packed up and disappeared. Terrible, isn't it? Maxwell Smart: It certainly is. They had the best prune danish in town. Agent 99: Max, what did you do? Maxwell Smart: Just eliminated a Kaos agent. Agent 99: Well, how could you be sure? Maxwell Smart: Because, 99, my eagle eye picked out a few things that the ordinary person might not see. First of all, his sponge was absolutely filthy. Second, he was using horizontal strokes instead of vertical strokes. And finally, he was holding his squeegee with an overlapping lacrosse grip. Agent 99: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain. Maxwell Smart: I wasn't finished, 99. Agent 99: Sorry, Max. Maxwell Smart: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain. Agent 99: Good thinking, Max. Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that, Chief. Maxwell Smart: Missed it by that much. Won't you please sign my petition? Maxwell Smart: I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American. You're worth two 43s, 86. What are you, some kind of a nut who likes to watch people die? Mr. Hercules: Yes, it's such a marvelous contrast to my own splendid good health. I'm not going in there. There are gollywoggles in there. We don't know who they're going to impersonate next. So none of us is safe. We can't take any chances. Maxwell Smart: [pulls out a gun] All right, that's it! Stay right where you are, nobody move! Agent 99: Max! Chief: What are you doing? Maxwell Smart: Just checking you out, Mister. If you really are the Chief of Control, prove it. Chief: Put it away. Maxwell Smart: I'm not putting anything away until I'm completely satisified that you're not an imposter! Chief: If you don't put it away in exactly two seconds, you're fired. Maxwell Smart: I'm completely satisfied. You fools! Bunglers! Incompetents! Dumkopfs! Sissies! Call yourselves "killers." You are not worthy of the name. In the past three weeks, Maxwell Smart has personally eliminated no less than eleven... [shouts] Siegfried: DO YOU HEAR ME, STUPIDS? Maxwell Smart has personally eliminated no less than eleven of our most ruthless, most vicious, cold-blooded agents! [pause] Siegfried: Some of whom were my most sweetest, dearest, kindest friends. A warped barrel is a fool's frustration. This is Kaos. We don't *shush* here! | |
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