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Quotes of Movie: "Family Matters" [1989]
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I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. His parents were very upset. Carl: Why? Because he was in jail? Lt. Murtaugh: No, because I brought him back. Did I do that? [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Laura: On one condition. Steve Urkel: What's that. Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss] Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Do you have any idea how much you changed him? Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. Steve Urkel: A little? Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Self respect. | |
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[Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt... [Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading] Waldo: ... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Steve Urkel: [panicked] ... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm? Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. Laura: What are you talkin' about? Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all. Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper. Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip. Laura: You wouldn't dare. Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Steve Urkel: Why you... [Both leave laughing] Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman! Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE! Steve Urkel: Wha-at? Laura: Will you calm down? Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! Laura: I know! Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get? Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any paper work. Eddie: What do you mean Steve? Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Why, you teach us things about life! Ms. Steuben: Oh, you really think so? Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. All's fair in love and politics. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! [Grabs and kisses her. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures] Cassie Lynn: Eww! Yuck! Ick! Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable! What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. A small gastronomic goof up. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Harriette: Laura, translate. Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Would you like that? Laura: I'd love it, but... Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Suppose I made it happen. Would you reward me with a kiss? Laura: Sure. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. I'm going to give you an A. Waldo: [pause] Wow! Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. Steve Urkel: Ms. Steuben... I told the janitor about our little problem here. Ms. Steuben: Is he coming? Steve Urkel: Uh... no. He opted ofr early retirement. Steve Urkel! Muskrat Time! Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press. Waldo, how could you do this to me? Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. I know how you feel about Laura. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story"... 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. Listen, now, you tried as hard as you could and I'm gonna be generous and give you a C. Steve Urkel: A what? A what? Ms. Steuben: A C. A C! Steve Urkel: But... but, I never... I never got less than... than an A. Ms. Steuben: So? Steve Urkel: So, I can't live with that! Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. Steve Urkel: I can't! I can't! Oh, the room is spinning. Oh, yes it is! I... I'm getting dizzy. Oh my God! I feel stupid! [Steve has broken a window] Yes. Steve Urkel: Yes what? Carl: Yes, you did that. [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! [walks into the bathroom] Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! [to self] Steve Urkel: WOW! Waldo, is everything okay? Waldo: No, it's not. Steve Urkel: Well, what's the matter? Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Can you imagine that? Steve Urkel: Actually, yes! [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Just as I thought. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. Eddie: What do you mean Steve? Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. Steve Urkel: You're safe now, Missy. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Steve Urkel: Oh, I understand. Laura: You did good. Steve Urkel: You love me, don't you? Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Laura: Sure, Steve. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Steve Urkel: Whoa! We have liftoff! You're a wonderful teacher. Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! | |
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