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Quotes of Movie: "Everybody Loves Raymond" [1996]

  • Frank Barone:
    I tried nice once. Didn't care for it.



    Marie Barone:
    Is that what happened to smart?

  • Ray Barone:
    Men don't like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to... you know... lower cuddling.

  • Robert Barone:
    Hey, ma. I told Nemo you were hurt so he threw in these breadsticks for free.



    Marie Barone:
    These look old.



    Frank Barone:
    You are what you eat.



    Marie Barone:
    Robbie, give your father his order of miserable bastard.

  • [Raymond and Debra are planning their wedding in a flashback]



    Ray Barone:
    You're already planning the wedding?



    Debra Barone:
    I've been planning it since I was 12.



    Ray Barone:
    But you didn't meet me until you were 22.



    Debra Barone:
    Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle.

  • Debra Barone:
    I never thought I'd miss our little apartment.



    Ray Barone:
    C'mon, that apartment was tiny and cramped and noisy.



    Debra Barone:
    Yeah, your parents would only visit once every other month.



    Ray Barone:
    I loved that place.



    Debra Barone:
    Yeah, I know.

  • Marie Barone:
    One day you'll turn around, and I'll be gone!



    Ray Barone:
    [Spins completely around] Not today!

  • Debra Barone:
    It's not about winning and losing.



    Ray Barone:
    You know who says that? The loser.

  • Marie Barone:
    I don't lose things, Frank. I'm organized.



    Frank Barone:
    Not organized, insane! She's got a shoebox labeled pieces of string too small to use.

  • Robert Barone:
    I could of been a pretty good hockey player. I was big, I had the toughness, good hand-eye coordination.



    Ray Barone:
    Yeah, but eventually you would've had to let go of the side.

  • Ray Barone:
    She had that look like Mom did when we were kids and she caught us eating that whole box of Sucrets, remember?



    Robert Barone:
    Yeah, my tongue was numb for a month.



    Ray Barone:
    Remember, Mom thought we were drug addicts. She said, That's how it starts.

  • Ray Barone:
    All right Ally, you have to do what Mommy says.



    Ally Barone:
    Why?



    Ray Barone:
    'Cause I do.

  • Ray Barone:
    It's like getting into a hot bath. You know, at first, you don't think you can take it. But then, you know, once you get all your luggage in it's not that bad.

  • Marie Barone:
    What is a DVD player? Is it for pornography?



    Debra Barone:
    Yes, Marie, I bought Ray a porn machine!



    Marie Barone:
    I don't like that, Debra.

  • Debra Barone:
    A clean house is not the most important thing in the world.



    Marie Barone:
    You know who says that? A messy person.

  • Robert Barone:
    When I was married to Joanne she wanted time alone. She used it to pack up and move out.



    Marie Barone:
    Raymond, whatever happens, you and I are keeping the children.

  • Frank Barone:
    Whatever helps you sleep at night, Peaches.

  • [after the twins have knocked his golf clubs down the stairs]



    Ray Barone:
    Yeah... you won't be smiling when we send you a postcard from Disneyland.

  • [Ray is trying to seem manly to a friend]



    Ray Barone:
    [to Debra] Let's try and get it spot free. This isn't like at home where I let that stuff slide.

  • Ray Barone:
    You know, we make a pretty good team together, your availability and my attractiveness.



    Robert Barone:
    Yeah, it's like Robert-Raymond.



    Ray Barone:
    No, it's Raybert.

  • Ray Barone:
    I can't believe you're still living with them. If it was me I'd be cleaning off my fingerprints and rehearsing my 9-1-1 call.

  • Ray Barone:
    Uhh. It smells like a skunk that came out of the ass of another skunk.

  • Debra Barone:
    Honey, show daddy what you drew.



    Ray Barone:
    That's okay, I can figure it out.


    [Ally hands Ray a drawing]



    Ray Barone:
    Um, lets see. A big wall of red?



    Ally Barone:
    No.



    Debra Barone:
    Ally told me that was a picture of you in hell.

  • Ray Barone:
    This coming from the guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.



    Frank Barone:
    It's called protecting your sandwich!

  • Frank Barone:
    You want to know the meaning of life? You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. Canole... Marie

  • Ray Barone:
    When I was a teenager I wanted to write the Great American novel. But then I realized that I didn't even want to read the Great American Novel.

    • Movie: "Everybody Loves Raymond" [1996] | [2] | [3] | [4]
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