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Quotes of Movie: "Ed" [2000]
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I am a lawyer, I own a bowling alley. Two separate things. The fact of the matter is you can't live without me. Carol Vessey: What? Ed Stevens: That's right you could move away to Guam, Borneo, Harrisberg Pennsylvania, god knows where, the truth is you'll be making a beeline right back to Stuckeyville. You know why? [Carol shakes her head] Ed Stevens: Capital "E" lower case "d"! Shave my poodle! Ed Stevens: Hi! Carol Vessey: I don't think I can handle you being adorable right now. Ed Stevens: Sorry, I can't turn that off. | |
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Ed Stevens: It's very good Shirley. Shirley Pifko: Are you coming on to me? My one chance at something vaguely resembling happiness, and you destroyed it. Ed Stevens: What? Carol Vessey: You ruined my wedding, and... and you made me lose Dennis. Ed Stevens: How could I have ruined your wedding? I wasn't even there. Carol Vessey: Of course you were there. You're always there. Because no matter what I try to do Ed Stevens is always there. Ed Stevens: I... I don't know... I don't know what you're so upset about. Carol Vessey: Ed, do you want to know why Dennis walked out of the wedding? Ed Stevens: Why? Carol Vessey: I'll tell you why. I'll... I'll tell you why! Because he thought I was looking around the church for you. He thought I was looking for Ed Stevens. Ed Stevens: Were you? Carol Vessey: Yeah. Yeah, I was. Ed Stevens: Why Carol? Carol Vessey: Because you never stop. It's been this way ever since you came back to Stuckeyville. You didn't even know me. Ed, you did not even know me, and yet you made it your life's work to just, to wear me down. It's like, it's like you crawled into my skull, and you found a nice, comfy little place to rest, and you refuse to leave. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, you just never stopped coming after me. You, you just never stopped! Ed Stevens: You never wanted me to stop! And you wanted me to stop. It's true Carol. I did all these things. I dressed up as a knight. I sang. I danced. I threw waffles at your bedroom window. I hired a skywriter. I got up on a horse named Crazy Jimmy, and you loved it. You loved it. And you hated it. Because you didn't think you deserved it. And you know what Carol? You were right. What, what are you doing? Carol Vessey: I don't know. I don't know. Ed Stevens: Carol, look at me. I'm dying. I gotta get off this ride. What's zeroing down? Donna Tozzi: What? Warren Cheswick: You know instead of what's going down... What's zeroing... never mind. Warren Cheswick: This sucks! I was up all night carving Jello! Mike Burton: Ten bucks if you yell "I love kitties" at the top of your lungs. Ed Stevens: I LOVE KITTIES! [everyone stares] Carol Vessey: Hello my Powder blue friend. Ed Stevens: Quack quack. That's all I got... beer's over there. These crazy Belgian bastards know how to live! Hey! You like sex? Come to the Festival of Ducks! Mike Burton: I've got my money on grease fire. Molly Hudson: You're lucky you didn't sleep with him. He would have bought a strip mall. I just thought I'd spice it up a bit. I mean, why say 'Hello' when you can say 'Hellooooooooo'? Who would win in a fight - a big, strong guy or an invisible fat guy? I figure I'll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees. Nancy Burton: Well, honey, you really think we can live on thirty-eight cents a month? Medically speaking, you have a brain the size of a marble. Ed, Lewis and Clark had a journal. You, my friend, have a diary. Bendy straws make drinking more pleasurable. We're circling each other like Venezuelan flamingoes engaged in a complex mating dance. Ok, like, we can't eat that much popcorn and drink that much soda. For the love of God! No one can! I disagree, Dr. Jerome. Dr. Walter Jerome: You don't get to disagree, you knuckle-dragging cretin! In the criminal justice system, Bonnie Hane's day is divided into two separate yet equally important parts: prosecuting offenders, and having lunch. This... is her story. | |
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