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Quotes of Movie: "Dilbert" [1999]

  • Wally:
    Wow. I never knew that little people could be so sexy



    Alice:
    That's disgusting. I can sue you both for making this a hostile work environment



    Dilbert:
    Ten minutes ago you beat a man senseless.



    Alice:
    He was senseless before I beat him.

  • Dogbert:
    I'll bet you twenty bucks that giving doesn't feel good.



    Dilbert:
    You're on my cynical friend.



    Dogbert:
    To settle the bet, give me forty dollars and see if it feels good.



    Dilbert:
    That would NOT feel good.



    Dogbert:
    Then give me twenty dollars because you lost the bet.



    Dilbert:
    Did I just make a bet where I would lose twenty dollars either way?

  • Pointy-Haired Boss:
    And remember, money is no object... unless you intend to spend it.

  • Dogbert:
    They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I'm immortal.

  • Dilbert:
    You said you'd wake me up at eight.



    Dogbert:
    I also said women are attracted to men shaped like potatoes.

  • Pointy-Haired Boss:
    They say no man faces death wishing he'd spent more time at the office... I guess that makes me the first.

  • Dilmom:
    Standard Scrabble rules apply: no kicking, biting or slapping. No projectiles of any kind.



    Dilbert:
    Name calling?



    Dilmom:
    Only on your own turn.

  • [In a traffic jam]



    Dilbert:
    Why are we all forced to go to work at the same time? Who arbitrarily decided that 8 AM was a good time for everyone to go to work?

  • [clipping his toenails over a desk drawer that's filled with nail clippings]



    Pointy-Haired Boss:
    Uh-oh, it's almost full. I need a new desk.

  • Dilbert:
    Ratbert, where's Dogbert?



    Ratbert:
    He's off somewhere installing a puppet government.



    Dilbert:
    He's always off somewhere installing a puppet government.

  • [the Garbage Man uses reanimation liquid to bring Ben Franklin back to life]



    Garbage Man:
    It says it removes carpet stains too, but I have my doubts.

  • Bob Bastard:
    Would anyone like to join me in a toast to failure?

  • Dilbert:
    What makes you qualified to be a reporter?



    Dogbert:
    I'm willing to to violate anyone's privacy for my personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.

  • Dilbert:
    Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.



    Dogbert:
    Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't've done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.

  • Dilbert:
    That's it. I think I've done it.



    Dogbert:
    That's not the word on the street.

  • Dilbert:
    What do you think an egg dream means?



    Dogbert:
    Hmm, probably an omen.



    Dilbert:
    A good omen?



    Dogbert:
    How many good omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt?



    Dilbert:
    There only has to be one.

  • Wally:
    Looks like somebody's not working.

  • Dilbert:
    This fantasy has been a profound disappointment.

  • Panelist on talk show:
    I have a poison-dart gun, you won't know what hit you.

  • Asok:
    Shouldn't we be working?

  • Dogbert:
    That's outrageous. Idiots shouldn't have money.

  • Dilmom:
    Woo. Woo. Yes. In your face, mathboy.

  • Loud Howard:
    That doesn't look like the next generation of computing to me.

  • Pointy-Haired Boss:
    I don't see anything that could stand in our way.



    Dilbert:
    Sanity? Reality? The laws of physics?

  • Seven of Nine alarm clock:
    (beep) Get out of bed. Resistance is futile. Wake up and assimilate the day.

    • Movie: "Dilbert" [1999]
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  • A lot of these people were getting to where they didn't need help anymore. You have to start all over again. (Sam Worthington) [people/help/start]


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  • I was shocked. John Nicks was ... so mean, but he's so funny. I just didn't think he was going to take that role. (Kurt Browning)