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Quotes of Movie: "Dennis Miller Live" [1994]

  • Dennis Miller:
    Al D'Amato is a waste of an apostraphe.

  • Dennis Miller:
    [to Dr. Jocelyn Elders] How ironic that masturbation was the topic that caused you to get fired from Washington by a bunch of jagoffs.

  • [repeated line]



    Dennis Miller:
    Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

  • [repeated line]



    Dennis Miller:
    Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here...

  • [last lines of every show]



    Dennis Miller:
    Guess what, folks? That's the news, and I am out of here.

  • Dennis Miller:
    [on Jocelyn Elders' comment about teaching masturbation in high school] Masturbation needs to be taught in high school like holding your breath needs to be taught in diving class.

  • Dennis Miller:
    [first lines after his first Monday Night Football gig] Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckety-fuck, fuck, *fuck*! It's so good to be home.

  • Dennis Miller:
    They say life begins at 50. Yeah, if you're the fuckin' Highlander.

  • Dennis Miller:
    If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

  • Dennis Miller:
    Amtrak announced this week that they plan to install cable TV into their sleeper births. Great. So now you can watch your derailment live on CNN.

  • Dennis Miller:
    William Kelly, the founder of the Kelly Girl temp service, has died this week. His last words were, "Hey, could somebody please sign my time card?"

  • Dennis Miller:
    Cheez Whiz is not something you eat, it's something you consult a urologist over.


    [after the crowd's reaction]



    Dennis Miller:
    You'll never eat it again, will you?

  • Dennis Miller:
    [on a picture of a guy on a motorcycle with a cat riding on top of his helmet] Alright we got three on this one;


    [as the cat]



    Dennis Miller:
    "Hey man, pull over, I gotta use the sandbox." Or, "Burt Reynolds got a new hairpiece this week." Or, "HELMETS are for PUSSIES!"

  • Dennis Miller:
    [his caption for a picture of George W. Bush speaking, while then-Michigan governor John Engler is looking down with his hands about 3 inches from each other, apparently caught in the act of clapping] While George W. Bush is speaking in Michigan about the economy, governor John Engler shows his assistant how much bacon he wants on his BLT.

  • Dennis Miller:
    [repeated line from 1994-1996 seasons] Alright. Who fed it and who ate it this week?

  • Dennis Miller:
    [repeated line from the 1997 season on] Alright, what's new in the world this week?

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    May13 [50]14 [8]15 [75]16 [114]17 [50]18 [112]19
    May20 [79]21 [76]22 [59]23 [43]24 [61]25

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  • A lot of these people were getting to where they didn't need help anymore. You have to start all over again. (Sam Worthington) [people/help/start]


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  • I was shocked. John Nicks was ... so mean, but he's so funny. I just didn't think he was going to take that role. (Kurt Browning)