Statistic
- Quotes: 124892
- Topics: 1241
- Proverbs: 1023
- Searches: 38679
Fashion
Subscribe
Vote
Total 31307 votesAnd 76746 points
Quotes of Movie: "Curb Your Enthusiasm" [2000]
|
You know what you are? You're a self-loathing Jew. Larry David: Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. Larry: Fuck Hugh. Fuck Huuuuugh. [referring to Larry] He's a victim of circumstance. [after Larry asks for his meditating style back] No, you can't be an East Indian giver. | |
|
Actually, this weekend is the big NRDC benefit we've been working on for months, Alanis Morisette is going to be there... Wanda: Why don't we just call the terrorists and ask them to pick a weekend more suitable for you? Larry: [to various passerby] You know anything about changing a tire? Wanna help me change a tire here? No? I could use a little help. I need a little assistance. I never took a shop class, and I need a little help. Ok, I'm just coming flat out and saying 'help me'. Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire? 25, 30 dollars. 30 dollars to change this tire. 35 dollars to change this tire right now. [People are ignoring him] Larry: I'll give you 10 dollars for a verbal response. 10 dollars. Anybody want to make 10 dollars and respond verbally? No? I am not obsessed with asses. Wanda: Ok, assy. And what is all that shit all over your shirt? You been scrounging around, looking for ass? Larry: Ok, Wanda... Wanda: Oh, you know who I am, ok. I thought I would have to turn around and show you my big ass. Larry: OK, you completely misinterpreted that... Wanda: How am I supposed to interpret it? You shouted out 'Hey, Big Ass Wanda'. Larry: I didn't say big ass, I was just saying hello. Wanda: Is that how you say hello? Larry: Uh, well... Wanda: 'Hey big ass' or 'Hey assy' or 'Hey I know your ass'. What is that? That's not how you say hello. Larry: Perhaps not. Producer's daughter: [enters] Hi mister. Thanks for fixing my doll. [hugs him] Larry: Aww, don't worry about it sweetheart. Producer's daughter: [looks at him, scared, and runs out] Mommy, mommy. The old man's in the bathroom, and he's got something hard in his pants. [a girl hugs Larry for fixing her doll and Larry has just stuffed a water bottle in his pants] Mommy, mommy! The bald man's in the bathroom and there's something hard in his pants! [Larry steals the head of a doll from Jeff's daughter's collection] You fat fuck! And you bald piece of shit! Where's the fucking head? Larry! Larry: Hugh! Hugh Mellon: Tell me you're enjoyin' yourself! Larry: No! Hugh Mellon: Glad you could make it. Why'd you fire the black man? Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on... but I know, you know, *black* man can *never* do anything *wrong*, at least to get fired from a job! Black people *always* do everything right! Wanda: [Walks over to TV, pushes button, fixes it] You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you. I thought I'd never say this but Larry is right [Larry hires a chef who has Tourette's Syndrome] Fuckhead shitface cocksucker asshole son of a bitch! [the restaurant suddenly turns silent] Larry David: [Remembering seeing some high school students support a kid with cancer] Maybe one day I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that. Larry David: [Aloud] Scum-sucking motherfucking whore! Jeff Greene: Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock! Michael York: Bum! Fuck, turd, fart... cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls! Restaurant Manager: Dammit... hell... crap... ssssssshit! Cheryl: Ya goddamn motherfuckin' bitch! Susie Greene: [Thinking Cheryl is yelling at her] Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT! Cheryl's Dad: Fellatio, cunnilingus, french kissing! Rimjob. Richard Lewis: Pussy pig fucker! Jeff Greene's Dad: Boy cock, girl cock, E-I-E-I-O! [Everyone in the restaurant is now laughing hysterically] Are you Jewish? Larry David: You want to check my penis? [Jeff is carting around Suzie's dog, a German Shepard] Boy, you seem to really like Oscar. Larry David: It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something German, it just doesn't happen that often. Can't we have lunch or something and discuss this? Larry: I can't. Richard Lewis: Why not? Larry: I've been auctioned off for some charity. Richard Lewis: What is this, "Roots"? [Larry discusses becoming a restaurant host] I thought you didn't like talking to people. Larry David: I don't like talking to... to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with. Cheryl: Why would you do that? [watching Girls Gone Wild] You know what a woman would do if I ever asked her to lift up her top? Jeff Greene: Why do you have to analyze this? Can't we just watch this? Larry David: She would spit on me! If I ever asked a woman to lift up her top, she would kick me in the balls and spit on me! Jeff Greene: We've waited a long time to see this and all you're doing is yakking. Be quiet, come on! [Larry's house has been spray painted by trick-or-treaters he has offended and he's reporting it to cops] They don't deserve candy and I don't deserve this: "Bald Asshole"? That's a hate crime! [watching Girls Gone Wild] What do you mean you're not going to pause it? Jeff Greene: I'm not a pauser, I don't like pausing. Larry David: Well, that's rude, I'll miss it. Jeff Greene: I'll rewind it when you come back. Larry David: Yeah, but I can see when you rewind and it'll give it away! Jeff Greene: There's no story! Give what away? There's bosoms! That's it! Larry: What's the level of anger here? What am I dealing with? Cheryl: Well, I'd have to say at least an 8.7. Larry: 8.7? That's not that bad. I thought it would be at least a 9. Cheryl: It was a 9. Then you broke that lamp, and the crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points. Larry: Pity points. That's fabulous, I love pity points. But how can I get to a 7? I know a 6 is out of the question, but is there any way I can get to a 7? Larry: Was that a barn? Was that a barn? I think it was too small to be a barn, it looked more like a stable. There was a cow there, does that mean... what? That it could have been a barn? There's no cows in barns. There's cows on a farm. Are there always barns on farms? There are stables in farms, right, but not necessarily barns? I don't think that was the barn. [long pause] Larry: I think we made the wrong turn. | |
| Calendar | |
 |
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Best Authors
- (1301)
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (714)
- Samuel Johnson (404)
- William Shakespeare (385)
- Oscar Wilde (370)
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (329)
- Benjamin Franklin (304)
- Albert Einstein (283)
- Henry David Thoreau (280)
- George Bernard Shaw (274)
Search
Pop by Searches
leo tolstoy 2 Fight Club 2 |
diary 165 life 90 delivery 56 sex 56 wives 56 Robbie Williams 54 friendship 52 skirts 52 key word 50 |
|
|
Best Quote
Worst Quote
