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Quotes of Movie: "Crossfire" [1982]
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Is John Kerry - is John Kerry really the best? I mean, John Kerry has... Jon Stewart: Is he the best? I thought Lincoln was good. Co-Host: Is he the best the Democrats can do? Jon Stewart: Is he the best the Democrats can do? Co-Host: Yes, this year of the whole field. Jon Stewart: I had always thought, in a democracy - and, again, I don't know - I've only lived in this country - that there's a process. They call them primaries. Co-Host: Right. Jon Stewart: And they don't always go with the best, but they go with whoever won. So is he the best? According to the process. Right. But of the nine guys running, who do you think was best. Do you think he was the best, the most impressive? Jon Stewart: The most impressive? Co-Host: Yes Jon Stewart: I thought Al Sharpton was pretty impressive.I enjoyed his way of speaking. I think, oftentimes, the person that knows they can't win is allowed to speak the most freely, because, otherwise, shows with titles, such as CROSSFIRE. Co-Host: Crossfire Jon Stewart: Or "HARDBALL" or "I'm Going to Kick Your Ass" or... [Laughter from Audience] Jon Stewart: Will Jump on it. In many ways, it's funny. And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad. Co-Host: We have noticed. Jon Stewart: And I wanted to - I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't - it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America. Co-Host: But in its defense... Jon Stewart: So I wanted to come here today and say... Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys. Co-Host: Yes. Jon Stewart: Stop.Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America. Co-Host: Ok. Now. Jon Stewart: And come work for us, because we, as the people... Co-Host: How do you pay? Jon Stewart: The people? Not well... Co-Host: Better than CNN I'm sure. Jon Stewart: But you can sleep at night. See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns. Co-Host: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes. Jon Stewart: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks. | |
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When politicians come on... Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: It's nice to get them to try and answer the question. And in order to do that, we try and ask them pointed questions. I want to contrast our questions with some questions you asked John Kerry recently... up on the screen. Jon Stewart: If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to. Co-Host: No, no, no, here's the point. Jon Stewart: If that's your goal. Co-Host: It's not. Jon Stewart: I wouldn't aim for us. I'd aim for "Seinfeld." That's a very good show. Kerry won't come on this show. He will come on your show. Jon Stewart: Right. Co-Host: Let me suggest why he wants to come on your show. Jon Stewart: Well, we have civilized discourse. Co-Host: Well, here's an example of the civilized discourse. Here are three of the questions you asked John Kerry. Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as - quote - "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?" Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: "Have you ever flip-flopped?" et cetera, et cetera. Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: Didn't you feel like - you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him? Jon Stewart: Yes. "How are you holding up?" is a real suck-up. And I actually giving him a hot stone massage as we were doing it. You know, it's interesting to hear you talk about my responsibility. Co-Host: I felt the sparks between you. Jon Stewart: I didn't realize that - and maybe this explains quite a bit Co-Host: No, the opportunity to... Jon Stewart: ...is that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity. So what I would suggest is, when you talk about you're holding politicians' feet to fire, I think that's disingenuous. I think you're... Co-Host: "How are you holding up?" I mean, come on Jon Stewart: No, no, no. But my role isn't, I don't think... Co-Host: But you can ask him a real question, don't you think, instead of saying... Jon Stewart: I don't think I have to. By the way, I also asked him, "Were you in Cambodia?" But I didn't really care. [Laughter from Audience] Jon Stewart: Because I don't care, because I think it's stupid. Co-Host: I can tell. But my point is this. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows. Co-Host: We're here to love you, not confront you. We're here to be nice. Jon Stewart: No, no, no, but what I'm saying is this. I'm not. I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're hurting us. And it's - the idea is... [Applause] Co-Host: Let me get this straight. If the indictment is - if the indictment is - and I have seen you say this - that... Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: And that CROSSFIRE reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white. Jon Stewart: Yes. Co-Host: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show. Jon Stewart: No, no, no, no, that would be great. Co-Host: It's like saying The Weather Channel reduces everything to a storm front. Jon Stewart: I would love to see a debate show. Co-Host: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out. Jon Stewart: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition. Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you? Co-Host: 35. Jon Stewart: And you wear a bow tie? Co-Host: Yes. I do. I do. Jon Stewart: So this is... Co-Host: I know... I know... you're a... Jon Stewart: So this is theater. Co-Host: Now let me just... Come on now. Jon Stewart: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie. Co-Host: They're difficult. It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it. Co-Host: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery? Jon Stewart: Absolutely. Co-Host: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you... Jon Stewart: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you? Co-Host: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you - when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing. Jon Stewart: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far - you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago. Jon Stewart: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably. Co-Host: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think. Jon Stewart: You need to go to one.The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk... Co-Host: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny. Jon Stewart: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey. Co-Host: Go ahead. Go ahead. Jon Stewart: I watch your show every day. And it kills me. Co-Host: I can tell you love it. Jon Stewart: It's so - oh, it's so painful to watch. Jon Stewart: You know, because we need what you do. This is such a great opportunity you have here to actually get politicians off of their marketing and strategy. Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway? Jon Stewart: Yes, it's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore. What's it like to have dinner with you? It must be excruciating. Do you like lecture people like this or do you come over to their house and sit and lecture them; they're not doing the right thing, that they're missing their opportunities, evading their responsibilities? Jon Stewart: If I think they are. Co-Host: I wouldn't want to eat with you, man. That's horrible Jon Stewart: I know. And you won't. We're talking to Jon Stewart, who was just lecturing us on our moral inferiority. Jon, you're bumming us out. Tell us, what do you think about the Bill O'Reilly vibrator story? Jon Stewart: I'm sorry. I don't. Co-Host: Oh, ok. Jon Stewart: What do you think? Co-Host: Let me change the subject. Jon Stewart: Where's your moral outrage on this? Co-Host: I don't have any. Jon Stewart: I know. Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material? Jon Stewart: I'm sorry? Co-Host: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material if he won? Jon Stewart: Mr. T. I think he'd be the funniest. I don't... Co-Host: Don't you have a stake in it that way, as not just a citizen, but as a professional comic. Jon Stewart: Right, which I hold to be much more important than as a citizen. Co-Host: Well, there you go. Co-Host: But who would you provide you better material, do you suppose? Jon Stewart: I don't really know. That's kind of not how we look at it. We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful. But, if Kerry gets elected, is it going to - you have said you're voting for him. You obviously support him. It's clear. Will it be harder for you to mock his administration if he becomes president? Jon Stewart: No. Why would it be harder? Co-Host: Because you support... Jon Stewart: The only way it would be harder is if his administration is less absurd than this one. So, in that case, if it's less absurd, then, yes, I think it would be harder. But, I mean, it would be hard to top this group, quite frankly. In terms of absurdity and their world matching up to the one that - you know, it was interesting. President Bush was saying, John Kerry's rhetoric doesn't match his record. But I've heard President Bush describe his record. His record doesn't match his record. So I don't worry about it in that respect. But let me ask you guys, again, a question, because we talked a little bit about, you're actually doing honest debate and all that. But, after the debates, where do you guys head to right afterwards? Co-Host: The men's room. Jon Stewart: Right after that? Co-Host: Home. Jon Stewart: Spin Alley. Co-Host: Home. Jon Stewart: Spin Alley. Co-Host: What are you talking about? You mean at these debates? Jon Stewart: Yes. You go to spin alley, the place called spin alley. Now, don't you think that, for people watching at home, that's kind of a drag, that you're literally walking to a place called deception lane? Like, it's spin alley. It's - don't you see, that's the issue I'm trying to talk to you guys... Co-Host: No, I actually believe - I have a lot of friends who work for President Bush. I went to college with some of them. Co-Host: Neither of us was ever in the spin room, actually. Co-Host: No, I did - I went to do the Larry King show. They actually believe what they're saying. They want to persuade you. That's what they're trying to do by spinning. But I don't doubt for a minute these people who work for President Bush, who Jon Stewart: I think they believe President Bush would do a better job. And I believe the Kerry guys believe President Kerry would do a better job. But what I believe is, they're not making honest arguments. So what they're doing is, in their mind, the ends justify the means. I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion. OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans... Jon Stewart: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show. | |
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