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Quotes of Movie: "Cracker" [1993]

  • DS Jimmy Beck:
    He's throwin' fits, Fitz!



    Fitz:
    I'm in custody, CUSTODY!

  • Fitz:
    Gamblers Anonymous? That's created by wankers, for wankers!



    Judith:
    Graham is the leader in the local chapter.



    Fitz:
    I rest my case.

  • [after Penhaligon pours a jug of water over him]



    Fitz:
    Anglo-Saxon Foreplay. Go up to my bedroom my dear. If I'm not up in half an hour, get along without me.

  • [on two Skinheads' urinary habits]



    Fitz:
    You're the artistic kind - it goes everywhere. You're the Luke Skywalker type - straight like a lazer beam. I can't help but take a look - people usually find it disgusting ...



    Skinhead:
    You looking for a broken nose, pal?



    Fitz:
    Yeah, You know someone who can give me one, pal?

  • [At a supermarket checkout]



    Old Woman:
    Execuse me... eight items!



    Fitz:
    I have eight items! Three bottles of whiskey constitutes ONE ITEM! 2 loaves of bread constitutes ONE ITEM! 6 frozen lasagnas constitutes ONE ITEM!



    Old Woman:
    SIX?



    Fitz:
    Two dozen eggs constitutes ONE ITEM ...



    Old Woman:
    Security!



    Fitz:
    Four steak and kidney bastard pies constitutes ONE ITEM!


    [Security is called]



    Fitz:
    Oh, for God's sake ...

  • Teacher:
    Please don't smoke sir, this is a school.



    Fitz:
    That's where I started.

  • [Dean keeps looking at Beck through his fingers]



    Beck:
    Do that one more time and I'll rip you're bloody hands off!

  • Fitz:
    So - you don't drink, you don't smoke, and you don't gamble. What do you do then? C'mon Michael, there must be something for you to confess! A little wank on the sofa during Baywatch isn't a mortal sin!

  • [to Beck]



    Fitz:
    You're a bit like a doctor, aren't you?



    Beck:
    Sorry?



    Fitz:
    You tend to bury your mistakes.

  • [to a waiter at a restaurant where Judith and Graham are on a date]



    Fitz:
    It's really very sad - see, I'm a psychologist, and she's one of my patients.



    Judith:
    I'm NOT your patient, Fitz! I'm your wife!



    Fitz:
    Oh yeah! Hi there - didn't recognize you without your straight jacket!

  • Fitz:
    Think of testicles!



    Penhaligon:
    I do nothing but!

  • Penhaligon:
    To be left at the airport, Fitz, that's one thing. But to be left by a big, fat, egocentric, middle-aged man, well, that's a different thing altogether.



    Fitz:
    I didn't mind the big.

  • Penhaligon:
    You're an emotional rapist, Fitz.

  • Priest:
    It must be hard to maintain that level of cynicism, Dr. Fitzgerald.



    Fitz:
    Not at all, Father. It must be hard to maintain that level of faith.

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