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Quotes of Movie: "Celebrity Deathmatch" [1998]

  • [each episode's closing line]



    Johnny Gomez:
    Good fight, good night.

  • [to Ernest Hemingway]



    Mankind:
    You know what the difference between your book and mine is? MINE WEIGHS MORE.


    [Clobbers Hemingway with his book]

  • Mills Lane:
    Let's get it on.

  • Mills Lane:
    All right, young ladies, this is a fight to the death. Now death may not be something you two have thought about, so let me just explain...



    Mary-Kate Olsen:
    [interrupting, to Ashley] I hate you!



    Ashley Olsen:
    I hate you more!



    Mary-Kate Olsen:
    You're stupid!



    Ashley Olsen:
    You're stupider!



    Mills Lane:
    [breaking up the girls' slapping match] Ladies, I haven't even started the fight yet!



    Mary-Kate Olsen:
    She started it!



    Ashley Olsen:
    No, she did!



    Mills Lane:
    [giving up after they try and hit each other] On second thought... just go ahead and get it on!

  • Anna Kournikova:
    [about opponent Elizabeth Hurley] Yes, I called her ugly, but I should have called her a pig! I should have called her a hideous, swirly moonie face! I hate her, I hate her! Aaaaaaaaaah!

  • Cher:
    [to Bette Midler] Hey, Midler! You got a wide load sign for that ass?

  • [Axl Rose pulls out a sharp object from under his kilt]



    Johnny Gomez:
    Nick, what the hell is this psycho doing?


    [Celtic music played in background]



    Nick Diamond:
    Ancient Scottish soldiers wearing kilts such as Axl's always carried a dagger strapped to their ankle. Tradition has it that once a soldier removes it from its scabbard, he can't put it back without drawing blood... even if it's his own.



    Johnny Gomez:
    It's scissors, Nick.


    [Celtic music abruptly stops]



    Nick Diamond:
    Oh... uh, that must be a different tradition.

  • Alfred Hitchcock:
    [to Steven Spielberg] Good evening, Steven. Welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents... your death.

  • Johnny Gomez:
    [one of the Spice Girls is ripped in half] Looks like we'll have to change her name to "Shorty Spice".

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  • A lot of these people were getting to where they didn't need help anymore. You have to start all over again. (Sam Worthington) [people/help/start]


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  • I was shocked. John Nicks was ... so mean, but he's so funny. I just didn't think he was going to take that role. (Kurt Browning)