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Quotes of Movie: "Cedric the Entertainer Presents" [

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    That's Mrs. Cafeteria Lady, Nathaniel. Now unlike yo' mama, some of us know how to keep a husband!

  • Woman on "¿Qué hora es?":
    TELEMUNDO!!!!!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    You may be a math teacher over there, but in here, you nothin' but a substance abuser that can count to ten!

  • Mama:
    Now, fifteen liars that told the same lie don't make it true. If I was to put syrup on a shoe, you wouldn't called it a pancake, would ya?


    [court grows quiet]



    Mama:
    ANSWER ME!!!



    Mama:
    Randy Moss, call me!!

  • Mama:
    You want national security? I got a church full of nosy ol' ladies. Put them in the CIA and they'll find out everybody's business. They'll tell you where Osama *been* and where Osama gon' be!

  • Mama:
    [when Glen Cox interrupts] Excuse me, but was I talking to you? Did you hear your name? Was I talking to you? Did you hear your name? Did you hear *it*?



    Glen Cox:
    No, but--



    Mama:
    Did you hear IT? Answer me!



    Glen Cox:
    No.



    Mama:
    Well, you need to shut up when grown folks is talkin'. You need to learn your manners. This whole country needs to learn their manners.

  • [replies to request of green beans]



    Cafeteria Lady:
    Ain't no mo' green beans! Just mashed potatoes and corn!

  • Glen Cox:
    Since you are a natural blonde, how long did it take for you to put it on with those eagle talons you call nails, Mama?!? (laughs)



    Interviewer:
    Oh no, you didn't!



    Mama:
    First of all, it is my hair. I got the receipt in my purse to prove it. And second, don't you *ever* talk to Mama like that again, or I'm gonna beat you until this belt sizzles! (snaps belt)



    Glen Cox:
    You will do no such thing!



    Mama:
    Bring it on!

  • [A question is asked about global warming.]



    Mama:
    You asked the right person about global warming. I heated a whole house with a blow dryer and and a waffle iron. You do the math!



    Glen Cox:
    This answer is as ridiculous as this mink tarp that you've got around your buttocks. It's summertime.



    Mama:
    First of all, that's sable, so that shows you where you at. And second of all, I ain't afraid of no man that I can see the top of their head. He little!

  • [on the game show "Taste Buds"]



    Howard:
    [tastes food] It's served on an open grill...................You know what this can use? Some hot sauce!



    Game Show Host:
    Looks like you'll have to stop guessing meats.

  • Mama:
    Work that bling-bling, baby!

  • Baby:
    How do you know all that stuff?



    Malik:
    I'm advanced. My nanny said so.



    Trey:
    You mean the one that shakes you.

  • Swipe from "Thug Prankz":
    Ho-hum. A lovely day at the grocery store. I don't think so, trick!!

  • Woman on "¿Qué Hora Es?":
    [crying] José Cuervo Margarrrita!!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    The green beans are for the children. Children like little Joey. Family's so po' they house sittin' on a kickstand!


    [Joey leaves]



    Cafeteria Lady:
    Come back here, Joey! You know yo' mama ain't comin' back 'till last call!



    Cafeteria Lady:
    Somebody need to get they white mama to get they black grandma and teach her how to do her hair!

  • Mama:
    Did you do it? Did you embezzle that man's 3 million dollars? You better tell me before I slap you cross-eyed!



    Man:
    No, Mama!



    Mama:
    I'm satisfied!



    Lawyer:
    Mama , this is--



    Mama:
    Sit yo' a** down!

  • Woman:
    You are the worst lawyer ever!



    Lawyer:
    Nobody didn't say nothin' when you was out killin' people!

  • Spencer Elwood:
    There has been a certain issue. One that has touched me directly.


    [plays "Hail to the Chief" on the radio]



    Spencer Elwood:
    This whack-behind Presidential song! You can't Harlem-shake to that!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    I'm a bicycle with the seat off, I'll get in yo ass!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    I'm like a gay guy at a strip club, I really don't care!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    Hey there, what are them books you readin?



    Man:
    Nothing you would understand; It's beyond your scope!



    Cafeteria Lady:
    Let me tell YOU what's beyond scope, your breath!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    Well I am like a double shot of Novocain, I ain't really feelin' for you!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    I'm like an unpaid electric bill, I'll put your lights out!

  • Cafeteria Lady:
    I'm like a overheated hot-air balloon, I'll drop it like it's hot!

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