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Quotes of Movie: "Bottom" [1991]
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Eddie: You know, I think I might come back as a bra. Richie: What? Eddie: Well, all us Buddhists believe in reincarnation. Richie: When did you become a Buddhist? Eddie: About 5 seconds ago. And may I say it has completely changed my life! Richie: But you can't come back as a bra! That's just stupid! You have to come back as something organic. Eddie: All right, all right, I'm only a beginner you know! Errr... all right then, I'll come back as... ah! Claudia Schiffer! She's seriously organic! [on various occasions seducing women, well, trying anyway] May I say, what a SMASHING blouse you have on? That's it! I'm going to write to my M.P. Richie: Why? Eddie: Because I love her! Richie: [emphatically] Eddie! Tony Blair is a man! I don't think they were lesbians, Richie, 'cause they got off with those other blokes. Those, er, handsomer, wittier, erm... well basically those two guys who didn't have a load of toilet paper stuffed down their trousers. Richie: Yeah, well you hardly helped, did you? Stuffing a Vimto bottle down the front of your pants and shouting "Woohoo, looking for the Eiffel Tower girls?" | |
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This is a sex shop isn't it? Shop Assistant: Yes. Eddie: [slaps money down] I'll have five quid's worth then! Shop Assistant: Very droll sir, I've never heard that one before. Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again? Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum. Eddie: You've been working here too long mate. [reads letter] What's this? Annual membership to "Barbarella's Aerobic Fitness Centre"? Richie: Nothing to do with me. Eddie: It's got "Richard Richard" written on it. Richie: Ah. Er... Eddie: [reads] "Leotard"? Richie: Well, er, Eddie, none of us are getting any younger. I just pop along every Wednesday afternoon and firm up. Eddie: What, you stand at the back of a room full of girls jiggling their bottoms up and down and "firm up"? Richie: It's not very sexy, is it? Eddie: No. I must say, I expected a lot more from "The Furry Honeypot Adventure". Richie: I think this is for kids you know Eddie. I think those Hussein brothers saw you coming again. Well, what else did you get? Eddie: "Big Jugs" [laughs] Richie: "Big Jugs"! All right! [reads box] Richie: "A history of pottery in the nineteenth century." Anything else? Eddie: Well this one's a sure-fire hit. Look. "Swedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam". Richie: Yabba-dabba-doo! [reads] Richie: No Eddie, it's "Swedish Legends in Blackcurrant Jam Making." Eddie: Aw, come on, it's got to be dirty, it says "Swedish"! What was your Red Indian name then? "Running Mouth"? "Sitting Down"? "Talking Bollocks"? Richie: "Dances With The Wind". Eddie: That'll be the curry again. Well it wasn't my fault I got so terribly ill I had to order you to cancel your birthday party. Eddie: You weren't ill, you just ate a tin of curry powder and painted your face green. I knew it was a hoax because the paint washed off when that enema backfired. Richie: All right, all right! Take it easy you bitch! [pause] Richie: I mean, Your Bitchness... I mean Lady Bitch of, oh God Eddie, what do you call them? Eddie: Jugs, what do you call them? Haven't you got through to the Pope yet? Dave Hedgehog: [looking at telephone directory] "Pope, G." Richie: What do you mean, "Pope, G."? He's not Pope Gavin is he? He's Pope John Paul. Look under "Pope, J.P."! Dave Hedgehog: J.P. Oh, here he is: "Pope, J.P." I didn't know he lived in Twickenham. What did we do? What did we do? Eddie: Well it's your fault for touching up the burly Ferris wheel attendant. Richie: I thought she was a girl. Eddie: They were pectorals you fool! Richie: Well she had an earring. Eddie: Yeah, through HER foreskin. Richie: Yes, which I found out later much to my distress! Oh, there's a nice little piece of object d'art! Must be worth at least two an' a half grand... I'll give yer £1.50 for it! Eddie: Uhh... let's haggle. Pawnbroker: OK, a quid. Eddie: No, let's haggle upwards. Pawnbroker: OK, 50p! Eddie: God, they don't call you Harry The Bastard for nothing, do they? Pawnbroker: No. They call me Ted. Richie: Okay. Une, Due, trois and Achtungh! [pause as they are still lying face down on the floor] Richie: How's it going? Eddie: Like a dream mate. Richie: You mean the kind of dream where you can't do push ups? Eddie: That's the one. Let's just be economical with the truth, errrm, something, buck, yeah hot young buck. Eddie: What about badger? Richie: No, no I'm more a sort of... Eddie: HEDGHOG! Richie: No fox! That's good, no that is good. Eddie: Stoat! Richie: Foxy Stoat? Yeah! It's gotta a ring to it... foxy stoat seeks... Eddie: Pig! Richie: Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig! Oh Shut up Eddie! Eddie: All right then mortal. I can see you're eager to keep your life. How's about I offer you a straight deal? Richie: A deal? Sure. No problem. Great. Eddie: How much money have ya got in the house? Richie: Oh, none. Eddie: What about the three hundred pounds on top of the bathroom cabinet? Richie: How do you know about that? Eddie: God, I keep telling you mate. I'm Death, I know everything. Richie: Everything? What, even about the... .? Eddie: Especially that you naughty boy. Richie: All right. I'll get the money, just don't tell anybody. You wait right here. Which one of you is Mr Hitler Eddie: That would be me. Women: Ooh, any relation? Eddie: Well... I've got a mother. Women: No, no, I meant to Adolf Hitler. Eddie: Yes that's her. Richie: Cor what a magnificent bird Eddie, Spudgun, Dave: Where? Ew, I nearly kissed you on the knob then. I'd rather cut off my penis with a rusty bread knife. Well yes, I can see your point. Eddie: It's this new skirt, it racks up very easily. I've done it mentally. Boy, have I done it mentally. Look at that bicep! You're bloody lucky I didn't hit you with that one, mate! My Great-Uncle Percy was in the trenches of the first world war. You know what he used to say? Richie: What? Eddie: AAH! BLOODY HELL! GERMANS! THOUSANDS OF 'EM! AAAH! I've got an excellent idea! Eddie: What is it? Richie: PANIC! AAAAAAAAAAAAH! That, my friend, is Welsh money. Richie: They don't have any Welsh money! Spudgun: No wonder they all vote Labour. | |
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