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Quotes of Movie: "Are You Being Served?" [1972]
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[removes her gas mask] What about this fog! My pussy's been gasping all night. And Mrs. Peacock. Just to let you know Miss Belfridge will be directly under Captain Peacock. Mrs. Slocombe. I suggest you take your underwear down at once. Mr. Lucas: Same goes for Miss Brahms. Captain Peacock: This one is unsigned, and suggests that you do something physically impossible with the suggestion box. | |
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Well if England's a such good country you've cracked it up to be. How come then we've got strikes & inflation. Mmm? So what's so good about England then? Captain Peacock: I shall tell you what is so good about England Miss Brahms. It is the only country in the world that isn't semi-detached. [referring to Miss Brahms's house] Captain Peacock: . [deep voice] Menswear. Mr. Humphries: I'm free. Captain Peacock: Are you free, Mr Humphries? Mr. Humphries: I'm free! Mr. Grainger: Don't worry if the sleeves are too long, you'll find they'll ride up with wear. Mrs. Slocombe: ...and I am unanimous in this! Young Mr. Grace: You've all done very well! Let's try to keep it light and gay. Mr. Lucas: [to Mr. Humphries] I'll handle the "light" part. Mr. Grace's Nurse: I've got a surprise for you, Mr. Grace. You've been doing it on your own the last five minutes. Old Mr. Grace: You get used to that sort of thing at my time of life. Mrs. Slocombe: Captain Peacock, I do not respond to any man's finger. I want some excitement, I want to do something with my life. I'm looking for Dallas and all I'm getting is Coronation Street. Mr. Humphries: You're lucky. All I'm getting is Jackanory. Glass of water for Mr. Grainger. Mr. Lucas: Glass of water coming up. You know, I always keep a couple of pound notes tucked away in me knickers, just for emergencies. Unfortunately, last week, I had an emergency. Mr. Humphries: Ooh, what happened? Mrs. Slocombe: The elastic broke and I dropped one in the Haymarket and it blew off down the street. Two seconds later, the other one followed it. [discussing having to hang onto backs of buses and skateboard to Grace Brothers to save money] I had just bent down to tighten my nuts, and there was a double yellow line, see? And next thing I knew, there was policeman behind me. He put a sticker on my helmet and tried to clamp me. [Mr. Humphries has just been sacked for being a "troublemaker"] I can't believe this is our last morning coffee together! Miss Brahms: Coffee? I thought this was tea. Mr. Bert Spooner: No, the tea's the one with the froth on top. Mr. Grace, here's a new applicant for your secretary. Old Mr. Grace: Thank you. Leave us alone! [secretary leaves, Miss Edwards stays] Old Mr. Grace: What's your name, dear? Old Mr. Grace's secretary: Virginia Redwood! Old Mr. Grace: That's a nice name. Old Mr. Grace's secretary: Would you like to see my curriculum vitae? Old Mr. Grace: Not at 10:30 in the morning. [staff are doing crosswords] I'm on a very difficult one in the Times. Two words, "a" and "p". Found in an ancient Greek bath. Mrs. Slocombe: Ancient Greek bath. "A" and "p". It's on the tip of my tongue. [pause] Mrs. Slocombe: I've got it: A plughole! Miss Brahms: [rolls eyes] Archimedes' Principle. Captain Peacock: [surprised] I wasn't aware that you were acquainted with Ancient Greece, Miss Brahms. Miss Brahms: I'm not. I read it off a matchbox. [into phone] Yes. [pause] Mrs. Slocombe: Yes. [pause] Mrs. Slocombe: I will. [hangs up phone] Mrs. Slocombe: Captain Peacock? Captain Peacock: Yes? Mrs. Slocombe: Apparently Miss Belfridge is in one of the fitting rooms, and Mr. Rumbold requires her in his office. Miss Brahms: She must have got in early! Mrs. Slocombe: She's no right to be there without my permission. Captain Peacock: Or mine. Get her out of there, Miss Brahms, I shall speak to her most severely about this. Miss Brahms: [walks to fitting room] Here! Captain Peacock wants you out here, at the double. Miss Belfridge: [walks out in outfit that is barely more than a bra and pantyhose, with Captain Peacock's eyes glued to her bust] You wanted to see me, Stephen? Captain Peacock: You should really ask for my permission to be on the floor, but I'll overlook it this time. Mrs. Slocombe: It's the only thing he has overlooked. Captain Peacock! Captain Peacock! Captain Peacock: Mrs. Slocombe, you will return to your post. When I turn around, you will raise your arm. I will ask, "What is, Mrs. Slocombe?" You will ask me, "Are you free?" If I nod, you may then approach me. [sitting on Mr. Grace's lap while typing] Mr. Grace, there's a man hanging outside your window! Old Mr. Grace: It's young Mr. Humphries! [raises his voice] Old Mr. Grace: What are you doing out there? Mr. Humphries: I just want you to know that we're all on the roof and we're not coming down until our demands have been satisfied! Old Mr. Grace: I'm in very much the same position. Ah, here's your instant coffee, sir. Mr. Rumbold: Why's it called instant coffee? Mr. Beverley Harman: Because there is only one instant at which it tastes like coffee. | |
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