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Quotes of Movie: "Andy Richter Controls the Universe"

  • Andy:
    I see why you joined this place.



    Byron:
    It's not what you think. Yeah, I'm really into her. But, I can't even have sex with her.



    Andy:
    How come?



    Byron:
    I can't have sex 3 months before my initiation rites.



    Andy:
    How about the other 29 years of your life?



    Byron:
    [sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha.


    [seriously]



    Byron:
    No. I asked.

  • Wendy:
    I've been doing a lot of thinking...



    Keith:
    She has!



    Wendy:
    And, Andy, you were kinda right. I didn't succeed with my dream of being a singer. So, I'm going to go to my second dream, which is having a family. That's why, today, I asked Keith to think about where this relationship is really going.



    Keith:
    Hear that? I have some thinking to do!



    Wendy:
    All right, I have to go!


    [leaves]



    Andy:
    [narrating] Here's what Keith did.


    [Keith stands up and starts strangling Andy]



    Andy:
    All right, that's not what really happened.



    Keith:
    Fix it.



    Andy:
    What?



    Keith:
    Wendy. She was fine, and you broke her. Fix it.



    Andy:
    Wendy isn't some toy that broke down! She's a human being that...



    Keith:
    All you had to do was stand there, and say "Yeah, that's horrible" or "I understand". But, no. You had to get her started on all of this change of life crap. And, now, I actually have to think! Fix it!



    Andy:
    Yeah, I know, it's horrible.



    Keith:
    It doesn't work on me! I'm a guy! Now, fix it.



    Andy:
    Yeah, I know it must be tough.



    Keith:
    Andy, just fix it.



    Andy:
    Yeah, I understand.



    Keith:
    Andy... Shut up and fix it!



    Andy:
    Damn...

  • [Freddy is taking Andy and his friends to Rio de Janeiro]



    Keith:
    I just talked to the pilot. We're not flying to Rio. We're flying to Mississippi.



    Wendy:
    Mississippi, Brazil?



    Freddy Pickering:
    There must have been a misunderstanding. I'll go talk to him.


    [He walks to the emergency exit]



    Freddy Pickering:
    .



    Jessica:
    Uh, the cockpit's that way.



    Freddy Pickering:
    [as he opens the door] I'm going to sneak up on him!

  • Andy:
    I do everything slowly: learning... working...


    [long pause]



    Andy:
    ... fleshing out analogies.

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