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Quotes of Movie: "All in the Family" [1971]
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Do you know that sixty percent of all deaths in America are caused by guns? Archie Bunker: Would it make you feel any better, little girl, if they was pushed out of windows? Well, let me tell you one thing about Richard E. Nixon. He knows how to keep his wife, Pat, home. Roosevelt could never do that with Eleanor. She was always out on the loose. Running around with the coloreds. Tellin' 'em they was gettin' the short end of the stick. She was the one who discovered the coloreds in this country; we never knew they was there! If your spics and your spades want their rightful share of the American dream, let 'em get out there and hustle for it like I done. Mike Stivic: So now you're going to tell me the black man has just as must chance as the white man to get a job? Archie Bunker: More, he has more... I didn't have no million people marchin' and protestin' to get me my job. Edith Bunker: No, his uncle got it for him. When your mother-in-law and me was goin' around together, it was two years - we never - I never - I mean absolutely nothin', not 'til the wedding night. Edith Bunker: Yeah, and even then... | |
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I'm sorry, Mr. Davis, sometimes my father says the wrong things. Sammy Davis Jr.: Yeah, I've noticed that. Lionel Jefferson: But he's not a bad guy, Mr. Davis. I mean like, he'd never burn a cross on your lawn. Sammy Davis Jr.: No, but if he saw one burning, he's liable to toast a marshmallow on it. Now, no prejudice intended, but I always check with the Bible on these here things. I think that, I mean if God had meant for us to be together he'd a put us together. But look what he done. He put you over in Africa, and put the rest of us in all the white countries. Sammy Davis Jr.: Well, he must've told 'em where we were because somebody came and got us. I just thank God I'm an atheist. Archie Bunker: My hands was pickin' pockets... my feet was runnin' away from bank robberies... and my eyes was lookin' at hard pore cornography. Now, thinking quick, I start giving her mouth to mouth restitution. You got me, Ma, Gloria and Joey. Archie Bunker: Aw geez what a bunch that is: A meathead, A dingbat, a woman's lib and a bald headed kid. Let me tell you something else, wise guy, between Jerry Ford and Jerry Carter I know which way I'm going. Mike Stivic: Too bad you couldn't vote for your real favorite, Jerry Reagan. Let me tell you one thing about Richard E. Nixon. He knows keep his wife, Pat, home. Roosevelt could never do that with Eleanor. She was always out on the loose. Runnin' around with the coloreds. Tell'in them they was getting the short end of the stick. She was the one that discovered the coloreds in this country, we never knew they was there. Who put the last roll of terlit paper on the spool up there? Mike Stivic: I did. Archie Bunker: I mighta knew that. The terlit paper is supposed to go over the spool not under. Hey it just occurred to me, Mickey Mouse is black. Archie Bunker: Mickey Mouse ain't got no race. He represents all men. Mike Stivic: Oh, I guess that's why Walt made him a mouse. Watergate. Watergate. Watergate. Watergate. Watergate. Archie Bunker: Cut that out. GOD DAMMIT. Edith Bunker: You shouldn't swear like that. Ever since this Watergate thing it's been GD this and GD that. Archie Bunker: I didn't swear. GD. The first word is God. How can that be a swear word? It's the most popular word in the bible. The second word, damn, that's a perfectly good word, you hear it all the time, like they dam the river to keep it from flooding it. And you read in the Bible that some guy was damned for cheating or stealing or having insex in the family. And who damned him? Who else? God. God damned him. Edith, beautiful words right out of the Bible. That guy is a blackbuster. Did you ever think that possibly your father just might be wrong? Archie Bunker: My old man? Don't be stupid. My old man? Let me tell you, he was never wrong about nothing. Mike Stivic: Yes he was, Arch. My old man used to call people the same things as your old man. But I knew he was wrong. So is your old man. Archie Bunker: Don't tell me my father was wrong. Let me tell you something, a father who made you is wrong? A father, the breadwinner of the house there? The man who goes out and busts his butt to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back you call him wrong? Father, that's the man that comes home, bringing you candy. Father is the first guy to throw a baseball to you. And take you for walks in the park holding you by the hand? My father held me by the hand, hey, my father had a hand on him though I tell you. He busted that hand once, and he busted the other on me to teach me to do good. My father, he shoved my in a closet for seven hours to teach me to do good, 'cause he loved me. Don't be looking at me. Let me tell you something, you're supposed to love your father 'cause your father loves you. How can any man who loves you tell you anything that's wrong? George Jefferson is the only black guy I know that calls Abe Lincoln a honky. You know, you are totally incomprehensible. Archie Bunker: Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense. Little boys who play with dolls grow up to be other boys' roommates. Every person knows that Homo Sapiens is a killer. Edith Bunker: Homo Sapiens. Is he an Arab? Archie Bunker: No, Edith. Homo Sapiens. That's a killer fag. This is a nice restaurant, and it's called the Gay Paris. Gloria Stivic: That's Gay Paree, Ma. Archie Bunker: Gay, gay, what'd you do? Bring us into a fag hangout? Now wait a minute, Meathead, I never said your black beauties was lazy. You don't believe me, look it up. Gloria Stivic: He's prejudice, there's no hope for him at all. Archie Bunker: I ain't prejudice, any man deserves my respect and he's gonna get it regardless of his color. Mike Stivic: Then why are you calling them black beauties? Archie Bunker: Now that's where I got you, wise guy, there's a black guy who works down at the building with me, he's got a bumper sticker on his car that says 'Black is Beautiful' so what's the matter with black beauties? Edith Bunker: It's nicer than when he called them coons. Mike Stivic: That man is on something. Gloria: Bananas. Edith: He's on bananas? [after being sung awake] I musta died and gone to the wrong place. 'Cause yas all sure sound like hell. | |
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