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Quotes of Movie: "ALF" [1986]

  • ALF:
    [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window.



    Willie:
    And why was that?



    ALF:
    Cause I was chasing him with a fork.

  • ALF:
    I know my rights, I watch People's Court.

  • Brian:
    ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?



    ALF:
    I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney.

  • Willie:
    Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek.



    ALF:
    Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo.

  • ALF:
    Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?



    Willie:
    If you were in the woods.

  • [catch phrase]



    ALF:
    Haaa! I kill me.

  • ALF:
    On Melmac, we have 1st class, 2nd class and ham.

  • ALF:
    A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon.

  • ALF:
    I wasn't known on Melmac as the whiz kid for my scholastic ability.

  • ALF:
    Putting humans in charge of the earth, is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct.

  • ALF:
    How about a hug for the ol' ALFer.

  • ALF:
    [slowly enters kitchen] The Great Orange hunter stalks his prey.


    [opens fridge]



    ALF:
    Ah, he sees it. The illusive loin of Pork the most prized catch in the refridgidary jungle. What's this?


    [picks a note off the food and reads it]



    ALF:
    "ALF don't eat this" Why would I eat this?


    [throws away the note]



    ALF:
    Ever so deftly the great orange hunter maneuvers his weapon. He strikes.


    [as he does this an earthquake starts]



    ALF:
    Whoa. Has the hunter angered the gods? Okay, I won't eat pork.

  • Brian:
    Do you get Sesame Street where you live?



    ALF:
    No, and frankly I don't get it here either.

  • Willie:
    Go back to the tent.



    ALF:
    It's too dangerous out there. I had to kill a fifty-foot snake with my pocketknife.



    Willie:
    There are no fifty-foot water snakes in the backyard.



    ALF:
    I'm telling ya, it was bright green and it spit water. Ths Ths


    [spitting water sound]



    ALF:
    .



    Willie:
    That was my new garden hose.



    ALF:
    Oh, no wonder it was sucking on the spigot.

  • [the cat Lucky has died and the Tanners are having a funeral for him]



    ALF:
    I'm reminded of a prayer he used to recite every night before going to bed, "And if I die before I wake, chicken-fry me like a steak."

  • [at the cat Lucky's funeral]



    ALF:
    Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.

  • ALF:
    Kate, have I ever lied to you?



    Kate:
    Yes. Several times.



    ALF:
    I meant today.

  • ALF:
    If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it's run over by a car, you don't want it.

  • Willie:
    Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do.



    ALF:
    Well, that explains Ghostbusters II.

  • [ALF is trying to be a professional shrink and he's annoying Kate and Willie]



    ALF:
    Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.



    Kate:
    What's wrong with Brian?



    ALF:
    He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.



    Kate:
    [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.



    Willie:
    Calm down.



    ALF:
    Stop ventilating.



    Kate:
    I am not ventilating. I am talking.


    [to Willie]



    Kate:
    And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.



    ALF:
    You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.



    Willie:
    And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.



    ALF:
    Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.



    Willie:
    This must stop.



    ALF:
    That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.



    Willie:
    You cannot keep aggravating people like this.



    ALF:
    Why do you hate your mother?

  • [ALF has just squirted Willie with a squirting flower]



    Willie:
    You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

  • Brian:
    You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.



    ALF:
    All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.

  • Kate:
    Don't break that remote.



    ALF:
    Kate, have I ever broken anything?


    [Kate stares at him]



    ALF:
    Well, lately?


    [pause]



    ALF:
    This week?


    [pause]



    ALF:
    Today?


    [pause]



    ALF:
    Since breakfast?

  • ALF:
    We only have ten major organs, eight of which are stomachs.



    Willie:
    I would have guessed all ten.

  • [ALF and Lynn are trying to get their parents to stop fighting]



    ALF:
    To get a couple back together on Melmac, we'd recreate the happiest moment of their marriage.



    Lynn:
    I wonder what Mom and Dad's happiest moment was.



    ALF:
    The day they met me?



    Lynn:
    Think again.



    ALF:
    The day after they met me.



    Lynn:
    Keep thinking.



    ALF:
    I can't. My brain hurts.

    • Movie: "ALF" [1986] | [2] | [3] | [4]
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