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Quotes of Movie: "Absolutely Fabulous" [1992]

  • Eddie:
    What do you think of the kitchen, Pats?



    Patsy:
    I think it's fabulous.



    Saffie:
    It isn't done yet.



    Eddie:
    No, sweetie. Maybe she's right. Maybe this IS fabulous.

  • Eddie:
    Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974.



    Patsy:
    A crisp, darling. A crisp.

  • Eddie:
    [in front of Saffy] Ooo, she's so cold, sweetie! I'll just bet she has her period in cubes.

  • Bubble:
    Ooo... Bear with me, see, I am HOPELESS with names, faces and people.

  • Eddie:
    Look at me Sweetheart, huh, huh? One day you'll turn into me!



    Gran:
    [sweetly] And you will turn into me, dear.

  • Eddie:
    [arriving at the ski resort of Val D'Isere] Ooh, Val D'Isere... Val D'Isere... Uh... Who was Val D'Isere, Pats?



    Patsy:
    Val, Val... Valerie D'Isere, darling. French film star.

  • Bubble:
    Don't ask me. I for sure *don't* know.

  • Eddie:
    But darling, that dress was awful! How did you manage to get her to wear it?



    Patsy:
    Oh, I just told her a cock-and-bull story about how I was a slave to my mother in her dying years and how I always strived to make her like me and she never loved me at all, ha!



    Eddie:
    Ooh!...


    [reflects for a second]



    Eddie:
    But Pats, sweetie... That is all *true*. Your mother never loved you at all.



    Patsy:
    DAMN!

  • Eddie:
    Where's my thing? You know, my thing... my vibrating thing...



    Patsy:
    Right by your bedside drawer, darling.



    Eddie:
    Not THAT, not THAT!... My beeper, my beeper!



    Patsy:
    Oh.


    [fishes inside her skirt]



    Patsy:
    Here.



    Eddie:
    [disgusted] Keep it. I don't want it now. Don't WANT it now.

  • Eddie:
    [to Saffy] Oh, darling, Mummy loves you. On the day you were born I *knew* I wanted you...



    Patsy:
    However, the day after...

  • Saffie:
    I am getting married.



    Bo:
    [delighted] Hallellujah! Praise the Lord! Let's speak in tongues - boolooloolooloolooloo!

  • Eddie:
    Is champas all right with you Pats?



    Patsy:
    Lovely darling.



    Eddie:
    Should we finish off the beluga or should we have some smoked salmon nibbly things?



    Patsy:
    Oh whatever sweetie.



    Eddie:
    All right, we'll finish off the beluga.

  • Eddie:
    La Croix sweetie, La Croix.

  • Eddie:
    Get ready for this sweetie

  • Patsy:
    It's fabulous darling.

  • Eddie:
    Let the music lift you up, sweetie.

  • Eddie:
    Bloody Pet Shop Boys, sweetie.

  • Eddie:
    [shouting] I DON'T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS .

  • [Edina has lost her speech which she has to present to the PR meeting]



    Eddie:
    Yeah I was gonna' make a-


    [taps microphone]



    Eddie:
    Testing. Testing. -Yeah I was gonna' make a speech, but I just can't be bothered anymore. I mean, this used to be like fun you know; yeah it used to be fun, but I'm getting bored of all the 'fun' bits now. You know, your endless bloody lunches and launches, you know, no-career celebrities and party desperates. And what for, huh? Some colony of crap tags and mags! Well I'm sorry there has to be a little more than that doesn't there?


    [slams her handbag down]



    Eddie:
    Hmmm? You know I had a speech, you know, my... my integrated-projected-global-tele-network system bloody system-system. But you know, if that's what the worlds coming to I don't want to be in it. No I don't want that. I don't want to be in some sort of cyber-space-hypervirtual bloody reality. I don't want that- exchanging e-mails with some old age bloody hippies with more information at their fingertips than is safe to know about. I don't want that! What kind of reality is that, huh, you know, with a thirteen-amp plug on the end of it? Huh? Huh?... That can be un-plugged like that? Come-on I'm going.


    [She turns to leave, but... ]



    Eddie:
    No I'm not going yet! No, you!


    [points to her competition, Claudia Bing]



    Eddie:
    You, you, just sit there like your velcroed to some bloody add-man! You know those crap-head add-men over there, you know, those kings of bastardization that have just taken everything that was ever real and genuine and honest and original and attached it to a toilet cleaner! Whereas I, I... Like a bird on a wire... Like a drunk in a midnight choir... I have tried in my way to be free.


    [Then she sings]



    Eddie:
    Like a bird, on a wire.



    Patsy:
    Go for it Eddy.



    Eddie:
    [singing] ... Like a drunk in a midnight choir. I have tried in my way to be free.


    [Claudia Bing and her colleagues are laughing]



    Eddie:
    Yeah you can laugh, but you know something- I don't want more choice I just want nicer things! And you, you can take that look off your face, sitting there with your... with your wheels and AIDS and starvation. You know, skimming a neat profit of the whole of human misery. Labeling us all with this- with this global guilt. Well it may not be all great and good but it ain't that bad, so cheer up world it may never bloody happen!


    [slams her bag down again]



    Eddie:
    Come on I'm going.


    [Edina walks off making rude farting sounds at everyone in the room]

  • Patsy:
    Easy going sex with gorgeous, underage youths...



    Eddie:
    Yeaaah.

  • Eddie:
    Pats...



    Patsy:
    Yes, Eddy?



    Eddie:
    You have no morals, darling.

  • Eddie:
    I want total sensory deprivation and back-up drugs.

  • Saffie:
    I'm sorry, mum, but I've never seen what it is that you actually do.



    Eddie:
    PRrr.



    Saffie:
    Yes, but...



    Eddie:
    PR. I PR things. People. Places. Concepts...



    Patsy:
    ...Lulu.



    Eddie:
    Lulu... I make the fabulous... I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into...



    Patsy:
    ...Delicious.

  • [on the significance of awards]



    Eddie:
    They don't matter, do they, darling?... Awards, Pats?



    Patsy:
    Oh, Eddy. We've been here before.



    Eddie:
    It's just... you know... I WANT one. I don't just want one, darling, I NEED one. My career is on a toboggan run of failure at the moment... I just need one. It's the only thing that seems to mean ANYthing these days... I need one now before the menopause drags me into her gaping jaws. Before my creative hormonal oil-well dribbles to a halt. Before my bottom becomes just a patch-work quilt of monkey glands, darling.



    Saffie:
    But, Mom, menopause can be a very exhilarating and positive experience for a woman.



    Eddie:
    Oooh, yes. And the curse is a blessing and childbirth is painless. No. Unless that gaping hole on my mantle piece is filled pretty soon, darling, I might as well... I might as well lick this light-switch and do us all a favour, darling...

  • Patsy:
    [to Saffy] You piece of filth!

  • Movie: "Absolutely Fabulous" [1992] | [2]

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