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Quotes of Movie: "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" [1986]
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Which of sir's manifold hairs would he care to place in my professional care for the purposes of securing an encutment? I stooped to pick a buttercup. Why people leave buttocks lying around, I've no idea. Frank, this is called inter-oral, extra-nasal respiratory relaxant therapy, and - as the name implies - this an American technique. You have a daughter, I believe? Hugh: Yeah. Yeah, Henrietta. Stephen: Did he, did he? I'm sorry to hear that. | |
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If you try and kill them, you're put in prison; if you try and talk to them, you vomit. There's only one thing worse than an estate agent but at least that can be safely lanced, drained and surgically dressed. Hello and welcome to "Flying a Light Aeroplane Without Having Had Any Formal Instruction With...”. I can't pretend to be much of a judge of poetry. I'm an English teacher, not a homosexual. Good evening and welcome to "Realizing I've Given The Wrong Directions To...”. Tonight I shall be Realizing I've Given The Wrong Directions To Rabbi Michael Leibovitz. Rabbi... [suddenly realises, mutters:] Hugh: Oh, god. [General] What does it say on the name plate on my desk Jacobson? Hugh: [Jacobson] "The Buck Stops At My Ass" sir. The reason we're not going to do this sketch is that it contains a great deal of sex and violence. Hugh: A great deal. Stephen: Lots of sex and violence. Hugh: That's right. During the sketch, Stephen hits me several times with a golf club. Stephen: Which of course wouldn't matter except that I do it very sexily. Hugh: That's the trouble, you see. He does it so sexily. I wish you could see it. Stephen: And then the sketch ends with us going to bed together... Hugh: ...violently. Stephen: Very, very violently. Now this raises problems. Hugh: Not for me. I apprehended the accused and advised him of his rights. He replied, "Why don't you ram it up your pim-hole, you fusking cloff prunker." Judge: "Why don't you ram it up your pim-hole you fusking...” er, cloth-blanket was it? Lawyer: Er, I believe it was... er... Judge: Yes, yes? Lawyer: Cloff-prunker, m'lud. Judge: I see. Forgive my ignorance, but what exactly is a "cloff-prunker"? Lawyer: Well, m'lud, it's... Judge: Yes? Lawyer: It's... um... an illicit practice whereby one person... erm... Judge: Well? Lawyer: Whereby one person frangilates another's slimp, m'lud. Judge: He does what? Lawyer: He or she gratifies the other person by... smuctating them avially. I suppose if I am honest I, erm, I use my penis as a sort of car substitute. Delivery. In a modern society jokes must be delivered on time. If you experience any delivery where the timing is too... Hugh: ...slow? Stephen: ...or if the timing should be t... Hugh: [interrupts Fry] quick, - or, if the joke never even... [stops speaking] Stephen: ...then the commission will be only too happy to look into it. The Comedy Charter. Peace of mind. Hugh: Audience power. Stephen: Your guarantee of satisfaction and delivery. Hugh: Without dripping. Hugh: I just wish they hadn't called it the Common Market. Is that snobbish of me? I mean why not the Nice Market? It would be so much nicer. Stephen: Allergies? Well, I'm not good on strawberries, come out in a bit of a rash. The worst one though is Marmite. Only got to smell the stuff and I start voting Conservative. Stephen: Secret vices? I don't know. Rather too fond of chocolate Hob Nobs. My wife tells me I overdo the heroin. Otherwise, not really. Hugh: People often ask what we keep under our helmets. Well, I'll show you. [takes off his helmet and looks very pleased with himself - puts his hand on top of his head and feels around] Hugh: Hold up, some bastard's nicked it. Stephen: Used to be this chap at my school called Richard Braine. You'll never guess our nickname for him. We used to call him Rick Brain. Oh, no, that can't be right. Hugh: Moira Stewart... and Jill Gascoigne... neither of them wrote back. Can you believe these people? I mean how much trouble can it be to just bung a pair of stockings in the post? Stephen: Well, I was born Mary Patterson, but then I married and naturally took my husband's name, so now I'm Neil Patterson. Stephen: The cut me right round that way to see if they could find anything. Then they had a dig about down here. Still nothing. So they poked this thing up my... you know... had a look up there. Nothing. I'm going through the red channel next time. Hugh: We took the caravan down to Dorset this year, and pushed it over a cliff. Hugh: And then my bereavement counsellor died. I didn't know who to turn to. Hugh: What's the difference between a man and a woman? [no reply] Hugh: Oh. [wanders off and stops someone else] Hugh: Excuse me. What's the difference between a man and a woman? Hugh: I don't know much about pornography. But I know what I like. | |
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