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Quotes of Movie: 3 Men and a Baby [1987]
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How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting? Peter: Beats the shit out of me. She did a doodle; your turn to change her. Peter: I'll give you a thousand dollars if you'll do it. Angelyne! Whew! Boy, you look different. What happened? Angelyne: I'm dressed. Jack has a baby? Peter Mitchell: I realize such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes. | |
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I love kids. Unfortunately Mr. Hathaway and I aren't able to have children. He has a low sperm count. Michael Kellam: Some guys have all the luck. All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up. Michael Kellam: I don't know what babies eat. Peter: Soft stuff. We were babies once, for Christ's sakes, what did we eat? Michael Kellam: I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good, I can't remember! Feel her teeth. Michael Kellam: What? Peter: The druggist said you can tell how old she is by feeling her teeth. Michael Kellam: I'm not gonna feel her teeth, YOU feel her teeth! [Peter wets and cleans his finger, then sticks it in Mary's mouth] Peter: I can't feel anything. Michael Kellam: What does that mean? Peter: It means she doesn't have any damn teeth! Michael Kellam: Well, neither did Gabby Hayes and he was 90, so what? I'm an architect for Christ sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddam diaper. Whoa, these diapers are way too big! Peter: They're ultra absorbent! The more absorbent, the better if you ask me. The little insect was just... Waiting for that diaper to fall off. Where'd you put the baby powder? Michael Kellam: Down the hall, I'll get it. Peter Mitchell: What'd you put it out there for? We're bathing her in here. Michael Kellam: It's just down the hall! Peter Mitchell: Well, we're not bathing her in the hall, are we? Michael Kellam: Well, maybe we should START, goddammit! [Slams baby powder container on pool table, causing powder to pour everywhere] Peter Mitchell: You're going to clean that up. Oh, this is disgusting. It's all over and it's... It's sticky and... We're going to need some kind of cleaning fluid to get this off. Michael Kellam: How about after shave? [singing] Hush little baby, don't you cry. When Peter gets home, I'm gonna punch him in the eye. Baby take very, very much work. Peter Mitchell: Thanks for telling me that, Jan, I did not know that. What is he, an idiot savant? Oh no, she doodled! Jan: "Doodled". Ha ha. Peter Mitchell: Yes, doodled! What's the matter, don't babies doodle in Hungary? There's been shit all over the place! Vince: You mean the package burst? Michael Kellam: [Thinking they meant the baby] Well yes, I guess you could say that. Vince: Well did you put the shit back? Michael Kellam: No, we had it bronzed for posterity. What do you think we did with it? [On the phone] I'll bring you guys something back from Turkey. Maybe a drumstick. There's a quarter of a million dollars in heroin in the diaper pail and the new baby wipes are in the hall cabinet. [Changing Mary] How do you put on these Goddamn things? Peter Mitchell: Figure it out for yourself, dickhead. Jack Holden: Oh, no! Not on the silk sheets! Not on the silk sheets! Where is Jack? Peter Mitchell: He's in Turkey. Exactly where I'd be if my baby was in New York. How old is your baby? Peter Mitchell: [Spreads his arms apart] About this old. How old is the baby? Michael Kellam: I dunno, you want me to check her driver's license? Feels as though she's ready for a change. Michael Kellam: I'll do it. Peter Mitchell: Babies. All they do is eat, sleep and poop. Where the hell have you been? This baby hasn't stopped crying! And she did a doodle. Peter Mitchell: A doodle? What's that...? Oh, forget it. I don't want to know. Michael Kellam: Well you're gonna know, Pal, 'cause she did it. [Finding a baby on their doorstep] That's a baby. Peter Mitchell: I know it's a baby. What is it doing there? Michael Kellam: It's sleeping. | |
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