Mitch Hedberg quotes Born: 02/24/1968 Died: 03/29/2005 Country: usa

• Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and e're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all. (Mitch Hedberg)
• I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once (Mitch Hedberg)
• You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. (Mitch Hedberg)
• Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus? (Mitch Hedberg)
• It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They' l think you're cocky. (Mitch Hedberg)
• It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then? (Mitch Hedberg)
• My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? (Mitch Hedberg)
• My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.' (Mitch Hedberg)

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